After a few drinks, I have a problem with reality

A 57-year-old man ran out of his home in Orange City, Iowa, after watching a movie which “felt real to him at the time,” causing him to believe that his residence had been booby-trapped. Someone called the cops when the man, wearing only sweatpants and socks, stumbled over a curb and fell down. He admitted to having consumed alcohol. THEY’RE NOT MINE, OFFICER: A man who was pulled over for a traffic violation in Monroe County, Fla., claimed he had no drugs in his car or on his person. Deputies decided to search him anyway, and, when they asked him to widen his stance, two baggies of amphetamines fell out of his pants.

LAST-MINUTE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING, SIR?

A man stole a Bobcat skid loader, which is a mini snow plow, at a Bay Shore, N.Y., shopping center at 2 o’clock Christmas morning, and crashed it through the front doors of a Target store. Once inside, he swiped a coat and several gift cards before police caught him in the electronics section.

SEEMS LIKE A VOLATILE RELATIONSHIP:

A woman shot and wounded her 60year-old boyfriend after he raised a tomahawk over her while she was lying in bed on Christmas Eve. The woman, who kept a gun next to her bed in her Daytona Beach, Fla., home, said she was in fear of her life, and shot him in self-defense. She had a restraining order against the boyfriend for five years, ending last January, and has not been charged with a crime.

WE APPLAUD YOUR THIRST FOR EDUCATION, YOUNG MAN:

A young man was pulled over for going 114 mph during a snowstorm on Interstate 35 in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. He told the cop that he was “in a hurry trying to get back to college in Minnesota.”

HEY, DON’T GIVE ME THE RUNAROUND!

A would-be robber entered the Bank of Albuquerque, N.M., and was told that all transactions must be handled at the drive-up window, so he went there on foot and wrote a demand for money on a withdrawal slip. The teller backed away and activated the security alarm, so the guy ran away.

JUST TELL YOUR MOTHER, MISS:

A teenage girl called police in Cleveland, Ohio, to report that her brother had farted on her toothbrush. Officers deemed this a frivolous matter and refused to respond.

CHANGE OUR MINDS, DID WE?

Two passengers aboard a Delta Airlines flight bound for Atlanta from New York opened a cabin door as the jetliner was taxiing to a runway, activated the slide and exited the plane with their large service dog. Why they did this was not known.

NOW, ALL WE NEED IS A TRUCKLOAD OF CRACKERS:

A tractor-trailer crash caused 20,000 pounds of cheese balls to spill onto the outer loop of I-495 near I-270 near Rockville, Md. Two lanes were closed off while state highway workers cleaned up the mess.

YOU KNOW, OFFICER, I DID FEEL A BIT COOL:

A man was arrested at a food store in Tallmadge Township, Mich., because he wasn’t wearing any pants.