Mom asks neighbor to be witness
Q. My daughter has been inseparable with the little girl down the street for years. They have sleep overs at each other’s homes regularly. My husband and I are friendly with the parents because of the kids but we have little in common, so we really don’t socialize outside of the girls’ activities. Last weekend, the mother called, told me she had obtained a restraining order against her husband, had filed for divorce, that there is going to be a custody fight and asked that I talk with someone she called her daughter’s guardian as a witness for her.
I told her I needed to think about that and would let her know. My husband and I are shocked and unsure how, if at all, we should be involved here. Can you explain why their daughter has a guardian that is not either parent, whether we should be taking a side and how our talking with this person might impact our lives?
When there is a custody fight, the court will often appoint a Guardian Ad Litem to investigate and recommend a parenting plan. You should not assume that both parents have somehow become unfit and a third party is now in charge of the child.
Before you agree to speak with the GAL, consider what information you actually have to share. Just because one parent asks you to speak doesn’t mean you are choosing sides. You have clearly observed both parents interacting with each other and their daughter over a period of years. This means you have observed both parties in their roles as parents. It may be that you have seen good or bad parenting by both and if you speak out you may ensure the child has time with both parents post-divorce.
In asking you to speak out, she may be hopeful you have information regarding any allegations she is making of abuse. Before you make a decision, you should ask her what it is she thinks you could say that would be helpful. Unsubstantiated rumors are not helpful to anyone when spread in this capacity. But, chances are, if they lived close by, you or other neighbors would have observed or overheard loud or violent fights if they occurred – maybe another neighbor would have more to offer here and don’t be afraid to tell her that.
Getting involved is not a decision to make lightly. You or your husband could be called to testify at a deposition or even at a later trial if you agree to be interviewed. Testifying is an unsettling experience for many people and for sure would require you to take time away from work.
Bottom line, for the foreseeable future, you should host the playdates.