Next time, just call in sick to work, you dumbbell
A 19-year-old man admitted that he had faked his own kidnapping in order to get a day off from work when police found him near a water tower in Coolidge, Ariz., with his hands bound behind his back and a bandana stuffed in his mouth. He had told officers that two masked men knocked him unconscious in front of his home and drove him around before leaving him by the water tower. The cops determined he was lying when they checked surveillance video. He was fired from his job.
WELL, WELL, WHAT HAVE WE HERE? A woman found a kilogram of cocaine inside a kit designed to crochet animal hats she purchased at a Seattle thrift store.
OH, ISN’T THIS THE DRIVETHRU? A woman, high on cocaine and PCP, drove across a median and slammed into the side of the McDonald’s in Fairfield, Conn., causing about $150,000 worth of damage.
THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND, MADAM: A woman in a motorized wheelchair got into an argument with a teller at a Jacksonville, Fla., bank where she had showed up to discuss an account, then threatened to kill everyone in the bank and announced she was robbing the place. She took off after she was given a small amount of cash, and was taken into custody nearby a short time later.
WHO YOU CALLING BELLIGERENT, OFFICER!? Two men showed up drunk at the Kiskiminetas Township Police
Department in Apollo, Pa., to complain about an interaction they had had with police earlier in the day. While there, one of them got into a beef with officers, and was charged with underage drinking and disorderly conduct. The other one, who had driven there, was charged with driving under the influence.
CAN’T WE FORGET THE WHOLE THING, SIR? A man, who was attempting to steal a package off of the front of a home porch in Mississauga, Ontario, tried to flee when the homeowner opened the door and confronted him. But the would-be thief got stuck when he backed his car out of the driveway and into a snowbank on the side of the road. The homeowner filmed him spinning his wheels and trying to get free for at least three minutes until the cops showed up.
WHEW, I NEED A BREAK: A burglar broke into a home in Lake City, Fla., and filled a bag with items which he placed by the door, but instead of leaving, he laid down on the couch and watched TV until the owners arrived home and called the cops.
WHEEEEE! OOPS! An 18-yearold college kid went sledding down a street in Morgantown, W.Va., on a laundry cart which he crashed into a police cruiser. He tried to run, but did not get far.
OH NO YOU DON’T! A man left his pickup truck running to warm it up at 5:15 a.m. outside of his apartment in Englewood, Colo., when he saw a man and a woman get in and steal it. So, the owner jumped into the back of the vehicle and rode with the perpetrators for about 10 miles until they pulled into a 7-Eleven and tried unsuccessfully to steal another vehicle.