HEED THY COVID GODS
Coronavirus has Karens and Biden voters cowering
COVID Derangement Syndrome — it’s real, and there was a massive outbreak of it this week.
Three states announced they were ending the absurd yearlong “mask mandates,” and the left’s collective head exploded in outrage.
The reason is because this isn’t about public health anymore, or even politics, if it ever was. COVID is now the state religion, and the decisions by these GOP governors aren’t seen as a policy dispute, they’re considered heresy.
Only an infidel or an apostate denies that there is a … mild seasonal virus out there. Half the population cowers in abject terror — afflicted with CDS.
In New England, the leading prophet of the new faith is Gov. Charlie Baker. On Wednesday, in his daily sermon to the faithful, Tall Deval outlined the significance of the Mask in his strange cult:
“I think the mask mandate has been an important element in both encouraging behavior but also in sending a message about the importance of recognizing and understanding that COVID is still very much with us.”
He sounds like earlier generations of clergymen railing against the devil’s unending temptations, doesn’t he? But his real “message” is — we’re in charge, and you will do what you’re told.
It used to be said, if you want to send a message, call Western Union. Now you just tell people they’re going to be afflicted with prolonged suffering and a gooey death if they don’t obey your orders, no matter how preposterous.
And half the population — the feeble-minded, the Biden voters, the Karens — will instantly comply.
And if they see anyone who’s not toeing the line — wearing a mask — they call the governor’s snitch line.
But there’s a problem with this strange new religion of COVID — what exactly are the rewards for a lifetime of hewing to the straight and narrow?
The theology of COVID offers no heaven at the end of the line, no Paradise, no 72 virgins.
Here is Pastor Parker laying out the meager afterlife the faithful can look forward to if they follow the Book of Panic Porn:
“One of the things nobody knows at this point is whether uh if you are in fact infected and you don’t get sick and you don’t show symptoms, even if you’ve been vaccinated, are you still somebody who could carry it and give it to somebody else who’s not vaccinated?”
In other words, the eternal reward for devout belief is at best … purgatory. You can never get to heaven. COVID is not like, say, original sin, which you can rid yourself of with a baptism. This religion offers no eternal salvation if you accept someone, say Dr. Anthony Fauci, as your savior.
The only message is: Keep wearing the mask, shut up and obey!
To endure, a religion must offer its adherents certain sacraments. Clowns like Parker can’t even deliver theirs — they call them vaccines.
As the congregants have begun to backslide, the cult’s most fervent believers in the media become ever more hysterical about the hellfire and brimstone that await the damned, I mean, mask deniers.
Forget COVID-19, Reuters has discovered an even more malevolent strain in “the Amazon jungle city of Manaus,” wherever that is.
Oh my God, it’s horrible, this Amazon jungle city variant:
“Highly transmissible … unique constellation of mutations … 1.4 to 2.2 times more transmissible than the initial form … new mutated form … evade immunity … reduced protection … .”
In other words, the brandnew Amazon jungle city variant is deadlier than acid rain, paraquat, Alar, mad cow disease, avian bird flu, cyclamates, PCBs, secondhand smoke, bacon, saccharin, aerosol spray, nuclear power, killer bees, cranberries, red dye #4, Y2K and net neutrality — combined!
Remember the 15 days to flatten the curve? That was a year ago. And there is no end in sight.
You can see why a Reformation has begun. But the orthodox reaction to the Reformation will be, as always, savage. The moonbats are now addicted to hating on other people, and with President Trump gone, they’ve turned their wrath on the heretics.
I realized this the other day when I got a text from someone protesting the cult of the Mask with a Dr. Seusslike poem. I have no idea where the verse came from, but it was funny, so I tweeted it out.
Boy, did the members of the Cult of the Mask hate on me. But it was worth it.
“I will not wear it on my face. I will not wear it anyplace. I will not wear it to get in. I will not wear it on my chin. I will not wear it on my ear. I will not wear it out of fear. I will not wear it. DO NOT ASK! I WILL NOT WEAR YOUR STUPID MASK!”
Can somebody shout amen?