Major issues
Biden bites off more than he can chew
Joe Biden is in deep doo doo. His presidency has hit a serious ruff patch. A Major crisis.
His German shepherd keeps biting people, and not just Republicans.
Maybe the elderly Biden just really needs a dog he can keep up with. Like a bichon frise. Or a cockapoo.
Major, a shelter dog the Biden family rescued, “nipped” a National Park Service employee earlier this week. The employee sought medical treatment but wasn’t seriously injured.
It was the second time Major tried to take a chunk of someone at the White House.
“Major is adjusting to his new surroundings,” press secretary Michael LaRosa said in a statement.
Adjusting? That’s what you call it? This dog needs serious therapy.
No word on whether Major is back in the doghouse — which in the first biting incident meant he was shipped back to the Biden home in Delaware.
But let’s not puppy shame poor Major. It’s not really his fault — it’s the Bidens’ for wanting to keep a dog as a prop at the White House. It makes for a nice photo op to see Major and their other dog, Champ, in the Oval Office, but it’s not best for the animals.
Dogs are not props — they are living, breathing animals who sometimes need their territory and a stable home. And a good trainer.
Maybe Major just needs more exercise than the 78year-old Biden can give him. Perhaps he should hand off dog walking duty to an underling.
Biden could make newly confirmed Labor Secretary Marty Walsh walk Major. But Walsh would probably just end up passing off the job to his underling Dan Koh.
John Kerry might be up to the job. He could train Major to lick the Botox off his face.
In an interview after the first incident, Biden defended his canine friend, who was adopted out of the Delaware Humane Association in 2018 and until now didn’t have a biting problem.
“Look, Major was a rescue pup,” Biden said in an interview with ABC News. “Major did not bite someone and penetrate the skin.”
“And he moves to protect,” Biden added. “But he’s a sweet dog. Eighty-five percent of the people there love him.”
Where did he get that statistic from? A poll by Canine Weekly?
The aggressive Major seems more like a Trump dog. Major would still bite people in the White House, but the difference is Trump would order him to bite.
He would look at William Barr and see a nice juicy rump roast.
In fact there’s a long history of presidents keeping dogs at the White House.
George Washington had numerous hounds including Drunkard, Taster and Tipsy.
Bill Clinton had Buddy, the chocolate lab who if he could talk would have been a Grand Jury witness.
Richard Nixon before he got to the White House had Checkers the cocker spaniel he used for an impassioned speech.
Maybe it’s time for Biden to make a Major speech. He would need a Teleprompter of course, complete with the dog’s name and picture.