Dear Abby: In-laws see hostess’s leftovers as takeout free-for-all

Dear Abby: I once hosted a holiday dinner for which I had made a ham and a turkey with all the sides and three pies. The guests — my brothers-inlaw, my brother and his family of four and his mother-in-law — all showed up carrying empty Tupperware. At the end, all I had left was dirty dishes.

The same family invited me and my husband for a holiday dinner. My husband was ill and couldn’t go. When I asked my sister-in-law if I could take a plate home for him, she said, “Nope! If he doesn’t want to come to the house, he can’t have any of the food.” Yes,

Abby, she was serious.

My sister-in-law cooks the meat she received as a gift from her employer, and the rest of the guests prepare the sides and desserts. I NEVER go empty-handed. After the meal, she transfers any leftovers to her own Tupperware and gives us back the cleaned bowls. She protects her leftovers like they were her children.

What’s your take on this? Is asking for a little fruit salad off limits? Is relieving your host of the burden of storing all of their leftovers out of line? Are there rules of etiquette here?

— Hoping for a Sandwich Later Dear Hoping: If you would like the definition of presumptuous guests and ungracious hosts, look no further than your in-laws. The fault, however, may not lie solely with them. If this has happened more than once and you haven’t told these greedy folks to put away their Tupperware and help with the dishes, you can’t blame them for assuming you don’t mind.

As to the sister-in-law who refused to let you bring any food to your sick husband, I wouldn’t blame you if you chose not to grace her table again after telling her why.