Dear Abby: Woman traumatized by close friend’s shocking murder

Dear Abby: A dear friend I have known since we were children was murdered. She was lovely in every way, and I am bereft. I cannot process my grief over her untimely passing because it was accompanied by such trauma.

Images of her murder flash through my mind, especially at night while I’m trying to go to sleep. They also wake me up in the morning. Talking about it makes it worse because it revives the horror, and also because people want to know details as though it is just a story. I feel it is disrespectful to her memory and my affection

for her to reduce it to that.

I’m usually a resourceful person, but I have no road map for this. It is of considerable relief that her killer was found, but the details revealed by the media have added to my trauma. I have had friends die at even younger ages from other causes, but not this. Some of our mutual friends are in the same boat as I am, so any guidance you can provide would be appreciated.

— Beside Myself in Illinois

Dear Beside Myself: I am so sorry for your friend’s untimely and tragic death. Clearly, it was shocking and traumatizing for everyone she left behind. You are not obligated to satisfy the curiosity of anyone about the “details.” (There is no limit to the amount of curiosity something like this can generate.) All you have to say is you do not wish to discuss it. Period!

Although you didn’t mention how long it has been since you lost your friend, because it is causing you to have nightmares, please discuss this with a licensed mental health professional. It may be painful, but it’s the most effective way to work through this.