Sparks fly when old flames reconnect – married to other people

Dear Abby: I reconnected with an old flame, “Ollie,” eight years ago. We would see each other and catch up during a weekly event he hosted. We’re both married with kids. We chatted every day and confessed our attraction to each other while still not engaging in anything more than weekly encounters among friends.

At the time, I was going through a horrible period in my marriage. My husband, “Pete,” was emotionally abusive and one night even threatened to kill me. Pete and I went to couples counseling, and I went to counseling on my own.

During the first five years of reconnecting with Ollie, he was supportive, accepting and very kind. I fell in love with him, and he with me. We had one quick hug before I left for the holidays. When I returned, we had an intimate kiss. Then COVID hit. Obviously, there was no physical contact after that kiss, but we still talk nearly every day.

Pete has actually changed and has apologized for how he treated me. We got along nicely during the quarantine. I am just no longer attracted to him. I no longer trust him. He knows nothing of my friendship with Ollie. I also don’t think Ollie will ever give in to his feelings for me. What can I do? — Confounded in Iowa

Dear Confounded: Go back to your counselor. You have some decisions to make about how you want to live the rest of your life. Remove Ollie from the equation and ask yourself if you want to stay married to someone to whom you’re no longer attracted and no longer trust.

Some people are so fearful of being alone they stay in empty relationships. Figure out if you have the strength to go it alone, and you’ll have the answer to your question.