Dear Abby: My wife denies me sex and I’ve met someone new

Dear Abby: I have been married for 17 years with three great kids. My wife and I have struggled on and off during those 17 years. I often feel like maybe I don’t love her. We are complete opposites. I’m adventurous, daring and extroverted. She denies me sex a lot. This last time was for four months.

During that time, I met someone who has the same adventurous spirit as I do. We have hung out and we text often. She’s currently getting a divorce. I’m falling for her and I have expressed it to her. She likes me, but she doesn’t want a relationship right now because she isn’t sure what she really wants. She’s also afraid we both won’t really leave our spouses if we start something.

I stopped texting her, but she said she will wait for me. How do I manage this because I’m hurting in my marriage and hurting by not texting her?

— Torn in Ohio Dear Torn: Inform your wife that the current status of your marriage is not acceptable. Denying marital relations appears to be her way of punishing you, which is unfair, so offer her the option of marriage counseling. If she refuses, I hope you will go alone to help you decide rationally which, if any, next steps you want to take.

If you decide to leave your marriage, there is no guarantee the woman you have been seeing will follow through with her divorce, but let her know what your plans are. I should add that for many people, the first relationship after a divorce does not lead to marriage, if you’re contemplating jumping from the frying pan into the fire.