Hey, what’s everybody doing here? Want beef?

A man stole a large amount of beef in Grimsby, England, and, noticing that a large crowd had gathered in the town, tried to sell it to people there. He apparently was unaware that he was at a crime scene, and that the people were there to observe the police who were in a 12-hour standoff with a man on a roof.

PLAYING PEEK-A-BOO, ARE WE SIR? A drunk, who was thrown out of a hotel in Belfast, Northern Ireland, returned a few hours later, and, when police were called, he tried to hide from them by sitting in a chair on the porch and covering himself with a blanket. Officers were not fooled.

A ROOMBA’S WORK IS NEVER DONE: The resident of a home in Bellevue, Neb., reported a burglary in progress when he thought he heard someone moving around upstairs. The cops said it turned out to be a Roomba robotic vacuum cleaner tidying up the bedroom floor.

HOW ABOUT A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR THE LITTLE LADY: A woman rear-ended a vehicle in Madeira Beach,

Fla., and was ordered to take a field sobriety test because she smelled of alcohol, had “slurred speech,” and “was unsteady on her feet,” the cops said. But, instead of doing the one-leg stand and walk-and-turn tests, she performed “multiple ballet and Irish folk dance moves.”

RECALCULATING, RECALCULATING: A woman drove her car through the Portland, Maine, Police Department’s garage and across the pedestrian plaza, and then tried driving down the stairs to Middle Street, but her car became stuck at the top of the staircase. She told officers she was merely following her GPS instructions, but the cops said that it was because she was drunk.

LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE’S GETTING READY FOR A ROMANTIC WEEKEND: A woman stole $3,875 worth of panties from Victoria’s Secret at the Serramonte Shopping Center in Daly City, Calif.

SEEMS PERFECTLY NORMAL TO ME: Investigators seized $243,000 and more than 100 pounds of marijuana during an investigation into a drug “convenience store” in Lumberton, N.J. The police’s suspicions were aroused because customers were greeted at the door by an armed guard in a bulletproof vest, had to surrender their cellphones and were scanned by a hand-held metal detector before being buzzed into a back room.

COOL NAME THOUGH, RIGHT, OFFICER? A man, caught during a traffic stop in Dunedin, Fla., with a 9mm handgun, ammunition, and “a trafficking amount of narcotics” inside the vehicle, told police his name was Tyler Durden. The cops consulted a police database and “were unable to locate a subject by that name.” That’s because Tyler Durden is a fictional character in the 1999 film “Fight Club.” Officers determined his actual identity and found that he has an extensive rap sheet.

GO AHEAD, MAKE MY DAY: An armed man, who tried to rob a gas station in Mount Sterling, Ohio, was confronted by the owner, who pulled out his own weapon and opened fire, causing him to flee. He was arrested after a high-speed chase.