Greedy ex puts child support before educational goals

Q . When my ex and I got divorced several years ago, I moved to Virginia. My youngest child is heading to college in the fall, having chosen to attend a state school in Virginia. She can get in-state tuition by transferring her residence to mine without waiting a full year and proving residency.

My ex does not agree to this because she wants me to continue paying child support. I pay $250 per week. Our break on tuition is $15,000 for in-state students and we are obligated to equally share the cost of college once the 529 money is gone.

I’ve tried to explain the math to her but the more I talk the angrier she becomes. Our daughter wants to go to medical school and wants to preserve as much of her 529 as possible to use toward medical school. If she is an in-state student, her 529 will cover all of undergraduate expenses and there will be significant funds left over for her later use. If she is an out- of- state student, she is likely to run out of money in her senior year.

What are my options? A . Given her age, your daughter can decide to move to Virginia now and live with you to independently establish her VA residency in order to get instate tuition rates. Her mother cannot control where she lives. If you have to go this route, once she moves you would then be able to file a complaint for modification to end child support. You should do this as quickly as possible because it takes a while for paperwork to process, and you will not be relieved of your obligation until your ex is served with the papers. And even then, you have to keep paying until the judge says you can stop, but the termination order should be retroactive to the day you serve the modification papers.

In the meantime, try again to have a conversation with your ex — maybe even have a family meeting including your daughter. Have your daughter be clear about her goals and need to limit the cost of her undergraduate education. Once your ex realizes that her relationship with your daughter is at stake, she may agree to sign an agreement for modification ending child support.

If not, she has no one to blame for what she will ultimately lose in this process but herself.