Does cheating stay-at-home dad have to leave?

QMy wife discovered that I have been having an affair and told me to leave. I have worked from home for years to be available to drive our kids to all of their afterschool things each day.

She travels extensively for work and has for the bulk of our marriage. Oftentimes she is gone three weeks out of the month. Our older son just got his license, so we have been letting him drive himself places but I’m still driving our 12 year old.

I know I was wrong to have an affair, but I was discreet. The kids don’t know. She only found out because she accidentally took my iPad on her last trip instead of her own and saw text messages. I have been lonely for years and the affair is more about having a friend for company on occasion than anything serious.

If I leave, who will take care of the boys? I asked and she said her mother will come stay in our guest suite whenever she travels. Can she force me out because of what I did?

AThe standard in a situation like this is NOT whoever is at fault for the breakdown of the marriage gets kicked out. This is a no-fault divorce state so even though conduct is relevant to some degree, good conduct also counts. In order to get you ordered out of the house, she would need to show that your continuing to live there is somehow having a negative impact on her and/or the children’s health and welfare. Even if she could prove that to be the case, the judge could only order you out for a finite period of time not to exceed 90 days.

As I understand it, your children don’t know about the affair so your presence is obviously not impacting their health and welfare. She is rarely there so arguing your presence impacts her health and welfare would be a stretch.

If she files a motion for you to vacate, you will need to oppose the motion and spell out all of your good conduct for the judge including everything you do for your children on a daily basis while she is off traveling. You will want to include details such as scheduling and taking the kids to appointments, extra-curricular activities, helping with homework, cooking for them, doing their laundry, taking time off when they are sick, etc.

The difficult reality for most couples, especially those with the means of having a guest suite, is that you will live together under the same roof while the divorce is pending.