This holiday season, try skipping the gift list
My family stopped asking me what I want for birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays. While it took some persistence, over time I managed to make the case that we should just shop intuitively for one another.
What does it mean to give gifts this way? Maybe you feel drawn to something in a store that makes you think of a loved one. But it also requires cultivating a greater awareness in your conversations. There are cues and messages in many of them: Who mentioned a book they wanted to read? A place that made them happy? Did someone bring up having cold hands? Some people, like my daughter, drop obvious hints about what they want, but others have no idea that my Spidey senses are always gathering such information.
Of course, I’m not just going to buy my teenager whatever, especially when it comes to clothes. But for the adults in my life, this feels like a way to reconnect with some and show others that I’ve been paying attention. That I’ve been present in our time together. If there are “hard to buy for” people, perhaps the real gift is taking time to get to know them better.
Without gift lists, you may get something you don’t like. What do you do then? Do you say something to the gifter, quietly return the present, or keep it as a reminder that you need to be more you around this person?
For me, it depends on a few things. Did the person leave the shopping until the last minute? This makes it harder to smile and nod. But if the loved one is sensitive and put in the effort, then my reaction has more enthusiasm. In fact, I think the way we receive gifts is just as important as the thought that goes into giving. It’s why the best part of holidays for many parents is the joy of watching their kids express excitement over their bounty.
On the other hand, in a household where gifts are the love language, receiving a pink sweater when you’ve never worn a sweater in your life calls for a conversation.
Part of what makes Yankee Swaps or White Elephant exchanges so fun is you have no idea what you’re unwrapping and little control over what you keep. That’s also what makes them so memorable. Some people hate shopping, and I’ve come to understand a part of that aversion is the pressure to get it just right. Intuitive shopping minimizes the perfectionist energy.
My grandmother gave me the first taste of shopping from the heart. She never asked me for a list and often gave me a basket of inexpensive little things she said made her think of me. She’d take the time to individually wrap them, which added to my sense of anticipation.
Today, intuitive gift giving helps bring back some of the spirit that is easily lost when the entirety of our shopping can be done with a few clicks. My goal is to weave more intention into our day-to-day lives.