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I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED THAT A DONATION IN MY NAME GO TO ANOTHER ORGANIZATION.
How do I acknowledge a charitable donation made in my name to a cause I support (dog rescue), which went to a local organization that is less than stellar in doing the best work possible for the cause? I truly appreciate the thought.
Anonymous / Sudbury
In this case, thank your friend(s) for the donation and let the issue drop. I had to cut your question down for length, but it’s clear that the organization in question isn’t doing anything wrong. You disagree with some of its priorities and policies, but hey, we live in an imperfect world in which frustrations abound. You can let this one slide.
It’s a different matter if someone donates to a cause you support, but to an organization that is actively doing harm while saying the right things. (Not my place to name names, but I can think of organizations that claim to benefit breast cancer research, people with autism, and animal rights that I’d put firmly in this category.) These are cases in which it may be worthwhile to reach out to the donor and give them an appreciative and tactful heads-up. And if someone donates to a cause you straight-up oppose — which, somehow, I think might happen a bit more than usual in the year ahead — they know exactly what they’re doing and you can handle it as you see fit.
If you’re passionate about a cause, it’s not a bad idea to talk about it in conjunction with the particular organization(s) you think are doing the best work, especially if there are many that you feel are only so-so. Create that strong, Pavlovian association between Anonymous and Thisdog Rescue in your friends’ minds, rather than critiquing the failures of Thatdog and Someotherdog Rescues. It’s easier to remember one yes than a half-dozen noes, you know? This principle applies in many social situations — food allergies and dietary restrictions, for example. Instead of educating acquaintances on the nuances of what you can eat, condition them to remember that you’re always down to have lunch at the Keto Café, or whatever.
UNSURE HOW TO RESPOND TO A LOVED ONE’S WORDS OR ACTIONS?
Miss Conduct can help! Write missconduct@globe.com.