Model the way
Anew year brings new opportunity as we all, regardless of our political beliefs, hope for a better year. As we approach the transition to a new presidential administration, we have the opportunity and responsibility to consider what kind of nation we will be. This also has me thinking about what kind of country I hope for our children to grow up in, but also what kind of examples are being set for our children now.
Leadership experts Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner list five practices that are hallmark to exemplary leaders. These include model the way, inspire a shared vision, challenge the process, enable others to act and encourage the heart. As a mother, I’ve been reflecting on the example I would like to set as I seek to model the way, and it’s brought back some memories that I wish I could change.
When I was in middle school, my dad took my mom, my brother and me to a local Republican- led protest against a bus tour for the Clinton healthcare plan in the 1990s. The details of the night are lost in my memory except for a few things. I remember meeting another girl around my age as we stood outside a hotel.
There were some signs supporting Zach Wamp for Congress and other signs announcing unwelcome. A charter bus rolled up to the parking lot, and the people we had been talking with began yelling and approaching the bus. “Go home! We don’t want you here!” I remember joining in the yelling at first, but stopping to look up at who was in the bus. A white haired woman looked down at us from her seat. Behind large glasses, I could see her sad eyes. I grew silent while the others yelled and smacked the bus.
As I look back, I wonder what that woman was thinking. Was she discouraged to see so many people including children out to protest? What was her story? I wonder something else as I look back. What made me stop and the others not? How did I grow to focus so much on love as a grown up when I was exposed to and taught this kind of politic – a politic of anger, mistrust, division and hate.
When I think of my own children, I wonder how I can best foster kindness, respectful disagreement, civility, compassion and integrity. Rest assured that children have their eyes on the grownups, and they are learning what we are teaching them through our actions. Whether we are latching onto or dispelling conspiracies, perpetuating or fighting racism, or hating or loving our neighbor, we are modeling a way for them to follow. This truth goes beyond parents to teachers, friends and community members.
What are children learning when grown-ups refuse to wear masks during a public health crisis? What are our kids absorbing when adults in their lives deny the validity of the virus and the measures to fight it? What lessons are being taught on integrity when institutions put forth contingency plans and fail to follow through, breaking the basic “do what you say you will do” to proceed with business as usual?
We have the opportunity, privilege and responsibility to model a better way.
We can teach our children compassion and kindness by wearing masks, social distancing and staying home as much as possible. We can model integrity and fairness with the way we use our votes.
We can help our children learn to be civil and have respectful disagreements by the language we choose to use about people who believe differently than us politically, instead of throwing out and misusing divisive terms. We can model compassion by supporting better healthcare for everyone, supporting
DACA and listening to minorities and using our voices to fight against racism.
One thing is certain, we cannot continue in the way we are living. We must secure a better future for ourselves and for our children and their children and so on. The best way we can do that is by coming together and fighting our real enemies: COVID- 19, division and the attitudes and misinformation that fuel them both.
We need a deep change within as we teach with not what we say, but what we do.