Kids sometimes need help coping with today’s barrage of scary news

Task can be more difficult when adults struggle with it

As an adult, if you aren't a little bit anxious right now, you aren't paying attention. Hurricanes, fires, floods, earthquakes, DACA, North Korea and events like Charlottesville and the London subway bombing are deeply disturbing, if not outright devastating.

For parents, the intensity of the 2017 news cycle has presented yet another layer of anxiety: How can we help our children understand what's happening in the world, when we don't understand it ourselves?

It's disconcerting for children to live in a country where each day's news is more shocking than the last. It's a struggle for them to understand natural disasters, and a bigger struggle to understand why some adults are behaving in ways that children have long understood to be unacceptable. How can parents help children make sense of the nonsensical?

Helping children understand complicated situations is no easy task. It's made more difficult when we ourselves are paralyzed by the pressure to do it perfectly, which can lead us to avoid the conversation completely.

But children notice our emotional state even when we try to mask it. When we avoid speaking about what's happening in the world, we often leave children to make sense of scary information they overhear without the cushion of a reassuring interpretation wrapped in a safe relationship.

Here are some ways to talk with your children about current events, even if you yourself are overwhelmed:

• Check in often, but from a place of assurance, not anxiety. Children notice our anxiety and it feeds theirs. Checking in with them from a place of assurance instead might sound something like: "There's so much craziness in the news — what's caught your attention? What do you make of what you're hearing? What are your friends talking about? What worries you? What makes you feel hopeful?"

• Remind them of the values that guide your family. Tell them what you believe and why. Tell them instability always brings an opportunity for kindness. Remind them that when darkness intrudes, it's an invitation to bring more light into the world. Acknowledge that there is indeed a lot of suffering — but there is also a lot of helping. You might say, "When things feel shaky in the world, our family shows up. We stand up for what we think is right. We look out for people. We look for opportunities to express our value for compassion, inclusion and respect."

• Model boundaries and choices. Show children that you are in charge of your media intake. Much of today's media is designed to seize attention: Feeding the fears of their audience is one powerful way they do that.