Friendship between moms ends over race for charity
The 14-year-old son of a friend of mine is having self-esteem issues and apparently is going through a very rough patch. Our family likes to participate in charity races. My boy, 13, is a talented athlete who, according to my friend, is an “overachiever.”
My friend signed her family up for the same race as our family, then called me afterward to tell me she was having anxiety issues about us being there and asked me to forgo the race. (We had already paid for four registrations.) She said she could see my child taking off, winning the race and boasting to the point where her child would feel like a loser and have more self-esteem issues.
Abby, although our children hung out together when they were toddlers, they haven’t in years. I tried to be sympathetic, but told her we had been planning to compete in this race as a family for some time, and I didn’t think it would be right to pull my child out of something he loves to do. She got very upset, said some horrible things to me and ended our friendship. Was I wrong not to agree to do as she asked for the sake of her child? – ROUGH PATCH IN THE WEST
DEAR ROUGH PATCH: I don’t think you were wrong. While I sympathize with your former friend, what she suggested was not helpful for her child, who might benefit more from some sessions with a therapist than a helicopter mom trying to cushion life for him.
However, if there’s any truth to your friend’s inference that your son is not a GRACIOUS winner, monitor his behavior to make sure he doesn’t come across as a braggart. If you do, you’ll be doing him a favor.
When I was a teenager, I met a guy I’ll call “Jordan” at a college summer program and fell head over heels in love with him. But the program lasted only five weeks, and we lived hours apart. We decided from the beginning that we wouldn’t attempt a long-distance relationship and would simply enjoy the time we had together.
That fall, my senior year, I visited Boston to look at colleges. I had made plans to see him, but he blew me off. Because I never got closure, I was not able to let him go emotionally.
During my sophomore year of college, Jordan contacted me and asked if we could meet. I refused because I had just met someone else, and didn’t want to jeopardize my new relationship. I was with that guy for five years and almost married him. (Our breakup had nothing to do with Jordan.)
It is nearly a decade later, and I have met someone I could fall in love with. But it seems that I’m still not completely over Jordan. Should I reach out to him and try to get the closure I need? – LEFT HANGING ON THE EAST COAST
DEAR LEFT HANGING: Yes. After all these years, it’s time. And when you do, tell him the greatest gift he could give you would be the gift of closure. If he’s a gentleman, he will agree. And when you get it, move forward and don’t look back. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 610540447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
Actor Ed Asner is 89. Singer Petula Clark is 86. Comedian Jack Burns is 85. Actor Yaphet Kotto is 79. Actor Sam Waterston is 78. Pop singer Frida (ABBA) is 73. Former New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson is 71. Actress Beverly D’Angelo is 67. Director-actor James Widdoes is 65. Rock singer-producer Mitch Easter is 64. News correspondent John Roberts is 62. Former “Jay Leno Show” bandleader Kevin Eubanks is 61. Comedian Judy Gold is 56. Actress Virginie Ledoyen is 42. Golfer Lorena Ochoa is 37. Hip-hop artist B.o.B is 30. Actress Shailene Woodley is 27.