Real-world lessons from Clare and Tayshia’s season of ‘The Bachelorette’

This season of “The Bachelorette” was unlike any other we’ve seen before.

es, host Chris Harrison says that all the time, but this time it was true. Cast and crew had to quarantine and get coronavirus tests before filming. Then they were allowed to freely hug and make out, a painful alternate reality for isolated, touch-starved viewers at home. After Bachelorette Clare Crawley, 3 , selected her top guy very early, production brought in a second leading lady, Tayshia Adams, 30. There was no travel; the entire season was filmed at a sweltering 3alm prings, Calif., resort, which meant the dates were pretty boring and hometowns involved a lot of make-believe.

:e saw two women take two completely different approaches. Clare acted fast, sensing a connection with Dale Moss, her eventual fiance, and barely exploring the possibility of falling for any of the others. Meanwhile, Tayshia came in visibly more open to all of the men, which made for remarkably better television.

Both women seemed to get what they came for: They’re both engaged and genuinely appear to be happy. Their different methods of getting there resemble how real daters might approach their own love lives. ome people see potential in multiple prospects, while others home in on a match that seems perfect without exploring the possibility with anyone else. Their different strategies also represent how much dating has changed from March till now.

Dating apps and swipe culture have encouraged the first approach: the Tayshia, you could call it. Be open to getting to know several prospects before committing to one. This works well on a show like “The Bachelorette,” which thrives on the drama of indecision and competition. The Tayshia approach was also rampant in a pre-pandemic world, where singles really could date as many people as their schedules, wallets and immune systems would allow. However, even without a Chris Harrison in your life to announce “This is the final rose tonight,” the keeping-it-casual approach can last only so long. ventually it becomes time to commit or move on.

Clare’s laser-focused approach, while likely frustrating for producers trying to film a 10-week reality dating show, felt more in sync with the world the pandemic had wrought. uddenly singles couldn’t schedule several in-person dates in a week, if they wanted to stay healthy. )irst dates migrated to )aceTime and kype, and singles thoroughly interrogated one another about their daily activities and potential covid exposure before leaning in for a kiss.

ure, we didn’t see this kind of caution on “The Bachelorette,” but the leads and the cast spent several months in the strictures of quarantine before entering their reality T9 bubble. Having to be choosy about whom you will and won’t see, and assessing everyone’s risk levels, probably affected how Clare decided to date when she showed up at a 4uinta.

1either approach – the Clare or the Tayshia – is guaranteed to succeed or fail in the real world. But each seemed suited to the individual woman: Clare said many times that she knew what she wanted and refused to settle. Tayshia, having been married before, brought a more playful attitude to the whole endeavor and seemed willing to be surprised by which relationships would bloom and which would whither under pressure of an engagement. If Tayshia had chosen her first strong connection (Brendan) as quickly as Clare committed to Dale, she might not have had the same success. As we saw Monday night, Brendan declared himself not ready to get engaged and sent himself home.

In Clare’s portion of the season, we barely saw her interact with any of Tayshia’s final three men: Ivan, Zac C. and Brendan. Because Clare was so focused on Dale, many of the men felt she barely got to know them. emember the roast date with Margaret Cho, where all the men roasted Moss for being the favorite The tension over being ignored was palpable.

A few episodes later, Tayshia walked in and the men were struck by her infectious energy. As Tayshia slowly got to know the remaining men, it became clear that there were some wonderful guys there. Maybe none of them would have connected with Clare, and maybe Clare really did zero in on the best man for her. But seeing Tayshia’s willingness to get to know each guy there reminded viewers that there were plenty of gems in this cast.

The difference between Clare and Tayshia’s approaches also reminded me of something else daters do in real life: They take their friends’ words as gospel when it comes to assessing a mutual friend or acquaintance’s potential. How many times have you matched with someone on a dating app, seen that you have mutual friends – and before you’ve ever met, asked your friend what they think of your match They dish, and based on what they say, you either quickly discard the person or get prematurely excited that you’re meant for one another.

Often daters ask these questions of their friends with their safety in mind: Is this person creepy or a good egg Those sorts of up or down assessments have value, especially in the wilds of online dating where you rarely know what you’re getting.

esist the urge to download a dissertation on what someone is like, or to seek one. Offering just the basics leaves a dater and their match with more potential to explore. This season of “The Bachelorette” served as a giant reminder that one person’s discarded first date could be another’s soul mate.