Caregiver wears brave face despite growing despair
DEAR ABBY:
I’m a 56-year-old, married, 24/7 caregiver. My husband is terminally ill. When he was diagnosed, all I could think about was what can I do to make this as pleasant and comfortable as possible for my husband and best friend. I have devoted my energy to giving him the best home care I possibly can. It’s far more important to utilize my energy taking care of the love of my life than anything else, and I have put myself on the back burner.
We live a very isolated life. We didn’t socialize, mainly because I’m a longtime loner and somewhat shy. My husband never had close friends. Basically, I’m alone, with all of my family living out of state and no friends or relatives nearby. Abby, I am scared. I’m filled with anxiety and hopelessness every day. I can’t let my husband see these dark feelings, so I put on a happm yo fs ar co ea se oc Iw ww ow n’t plaE ceN aI nyK unS neR edE ed} sD treE ssS onS him. How do I continue to keC epI upM thS isI faE caS de?}
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hS usS baE ndR rP egE o-R ingA thN roA uI gh.R ItD is ver} yE imS poP rtI anG t tO haL t yoT u recC og} nZ izeE tS haS t in ordE eL rZ toU giS vY eA hD iO mT tO hT eS bR eE stW care possible, it’s crucial you take care of yourself.
Ask your husband’s doc- tor if there is an organization that can offer support and information about his illness. Most of them have support groups and chat options for caregivers -- and being able to communicate with others would be beneficial for you.
Since you have no friend or relatives close by, you should also ask if there is respite care available. If you take advantage of it occasionally, it might give you time to recharge and lessen your anxiety. PLEASE consider it. My thoM uA ghts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.
DEG AA R ABBY:
Ho} w do I get away from soL meS one I don’t care about? AnR ytC hing I want to do, he doR esA n’t want to do. He refuE sedP to go on vacation becau} se} of COVID, but he’s goE
inT g on a hunt later this year whC enE COVID will still be arA ouL nd. When I was working, hN eA would always want to go somewhere, but now that I’m not, he doesn’t take me anywhere. What should I do?
-- DISSATISFIED IN
DEAR DISSATISFIED:
A surefire way to get away from someone you no longer care about is to tell the person, “It’s over.” If he asks you why, tell him he no longer meets your needs and goodbye. Period. No more discussion. If you are married to this person and economically dependent, find a job before consulting a lawyer.
DEAR ABBY:
I recently received a formal invitation to a celebration of the marriage of a close friend AND HIS DECEASED WIFE. What is the etiquette for gift-giving at such an event? Is one expected? If so, what’s an appropriate gift?
-- UNSURE GIFT-GIVER
DEAR UNSURE:
Your letter is a first. May I be frank? Sending formal invitations to celebrate a wedding anniversary in which one spouse is dead strikes me as macabre. My inclination would be to send my regrets, but if you feel obligated to send something, a picture frame might be appropriate.