Late Night Laughs

REVISITING THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION

› Tonight was the start of the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, where today the temperature was over 100 degrees. As if Hillary Clinton needed another reason to sweat. She went through two pantsuits. — Jimmy Fallon

› In fact, it was so hot Hillary met with some Bernie supporters just for the chilly reception. — Jimmy Fallon

› We may be seeing more Trumps in politics. In fact, Donald Trump’s son, Donald Jr., told CNN he hasn’t ruled out running for mayor of New York next year. When she heard that, Hillary Clinton turned to Chelsea and said, “Clear your schedule.” — Jimmy Fallon

› Hillary Clinton’s main task this week is to divert attention from leaked DNC emails and other negative press. Hillary’s going to begin her speech with the rousing first line — “Hey, look, there’s a Pokémon!” — Conan O’Brien

› The theme for the Democrats today at the Democratic Convention is “United Together.” Which really is the best way to be united. So much better than being united apart. — Jimmy Kimmel

› First Lady Michelle Obama spoke tonight on the first day of the Democratic National Convention, while Melania Trump furiously took notes. — Seth Meyers

› Of course, it’s the Democratic Convention, which began last night. There were several big moments, and by the end, everyone was chanting “I’m With Her!” Unfortunately for Hillary, they were talking about Michelle Obama. — Jimmy Fallon

› Michelle gave a really big speech last night. But she wasn’t the only one. Bernie Sanders gave the final speech of the night, which kept being delayed by applause. Bernie was like, “Please stop with the clapping! You’ll make the lights go off and on! — Jimmy Fallon

› Bernie Sanders said that he knows people are disappointed in the results of the primaries, saying, “I think it’s fair to say nobody is more disappointed than I am.” At which point, Jeb Bush threw his empty Haagen- Dazs container at the TV. — Jimmy Fallon

› Experts are saying that the highlight of the Democratic Convention’s first night was Michelle Obama’s speech. In fact, Melania Trump already knows it by heart. — Conan O’Brien

› Democrats held a roll call vote today to formally elect Hillary Clinton as their party’s nominee. Delegates had the option of voting either “no” or “ugh, fine.” — Seth Meyers

› The first sentence of Bill Clinton’s speech was “In the spring of 1971, I met a girl.” You can imagine the relief in the room when they realized he was talking about Hillary. — Conan O’Brien

› In a video last night, Hillary Clinton told little girls that they can grow up to be president. In response, little girls said “Thanks, but we’d rather be Beyoncé.” — Conan O’Brien ›

Tonight, President Obama is going to make a speech trying to convince people to vote for Hillary Clinton instead of Donald Trump. It’s a speech entitled, “I Can’t Believe This Is Necessary.” — Conan O’Brien

› Last night Bill Clinton said the first two times he proposed to Hillary, she said no. Clinton then said, “So let’s stop all this talk about Hillary’s bad judgment.” — Conan O’Brien

› Tonight Hillary Clinton gave her big speech at the Democratic Convention, accepting the nomination for president. The speech went well, but the lightning shooting from her hands was a bit much. — Jimmy Fallon