Late Night Laughs

THE TRUMP TRANSITION

Yesterday Donald Trump tweeted at North Korea after they announced plans to test an intercontinental nuclear weapon. Trump tweeted, “It won’t happen.” I’d like to believe he’s right, but “It won’t happen” is exactly what everyone said about Trump becoming president. — James Corden

I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure you can’t stop a nuclear missile by tweeting at it. — James Corden

On New Year’s Eve, Trump tweeted: “Happy new year to all, including to my many enemies and those who have fought me and lost so badly they just don’t know what to do. Love!” Enemies? The only people who admit to having “Enemies” are Donald Trump and eighth- grade girls. — James Corden

He yells at his enemies, then ends the tweet with the word “Love!” That’s like getting a letter from your landlord that says, “I’m increasing the cost of your rent! Generosity!” — James Corden

We’re a little over two weeks from Trump’s inauguration. Typically, you’ve got a bunch of stars there at the inauguration to perform for the new president. Reagan had Frank Sinatra, Clinton had Fleetwood Mac, George W. Bush had Ricky Martin, Obama had Beyoncé. So, obviously, for Trump, everybody who’s anybody is going to be there, except for anybody. Because he’s having a wee bit of trouble getting famous acts to perform. — Stephen Colbert

Turns out the Mormon Tabernacle Choir is scheduled to perform, but over the weekend, a choir member resigned because she didn’t want to perform for Trump. Now the choir needs to fill that empty spot with a Mormon who has free time and can sing — Trump has a job for Mitt Romney after all! — Stephen Colbert

Bill and Hillary Clinton will attend Trump’s inauguration. I think that’s very nice that she’s being a gracious loser. And if you count the popular vote, a gracious winner. — Stephen Colbert Source: www. newsmax. com