Current events

Last night, “The Young Pope” premiered on HBO. You can tell this pope is young because when people say, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.” He just goes, “K.” — Jimmy Fallon

Ringling Bros. and Barn um& Bailey is officially shutting down. Apparently, the circus doesn’t t hi nk it could compete against a Trump presidency. It’s too bad; the circus employs 500 people who are now sadly packing their things and all getting into a single clown car. — Stephen Colbert

It was announced that Alex Rodriguez will host a reality TV show featuring former athletes who are now broke. Or as that’s already known, “Dancing With the Stars.” — Conan O’Brien

A Russian billionaire reportedly paid over $4 million to have Mariah Carey and Sir Elton John per format his teenage grand daughter’ s wedding. Said his teenage granddaughter, “Who are these people ?”— Seth Meyers

A female zebra shark in Australia has shocked researchers by developing the ability to produce offspring asexually, after spending time away from her male partner. And she says that so far he’s buying it! — Seth Meyers

A man and his 75-yearold mom survived being lifted out of their home during a tornado by sitting together in a bathtub. The man said the tornado didn’t traumatize him but being in a bathtub with his mother did. — Conan O’Brien