Current events

From www.newsmax.com:

› Former NFL player Titus Young was sentenced to four years in prison. Young said he’s sad to go to prison but happy to be reunited with his old teammates. — Conan O’Brien

› A package of salad mix that was sold in a Florida Walmart was found to contain a dead bat. This is shocking news — someone shopping at Walmart bought a salad. — Conan O’Brien

› A Turkish Airline crew helped deliver a baby onboard a flight. And then in keeping with the times, the baby was dragged from the plane by security. — Conan O’Brien

› That video of the doctor being dragged off the plane and then the airline’s response to it has turned into an absolute nightmare from a PR standpoint. Even Pepsi was like, I wouldn’t want to be you guys this week. — Jimmy Kimmel

› Because of the sexual allegations against him, it’s rumored that Bill O’Reilly’s show may be going off the air. For continuity’s sake, Fox will replace it with reruns of “The Cosby Show.” — Conan O’Brien

› Because of the scandals, “The O’Reilly Factor” has lost two-thirds of its advertisers in one week. On the bright side, United Airlines is still with him! — Conan O’Brien

Laugh Lines is compiled from various sources, including reader submissions and websites. Origins are included when known.