Around the White House

Today, Trump tweeted that the media is out of control, saying that they will do or say anything to get attention. Then he honked the horn of an 18-wheeler, posed for a picture with Kid Rock and accused Obama of spying on him from his microwave. — Jimmy Fallon

President Trump just did an interview where he wondered why the Civil War ever happened. Then Education Secretary Betsy DeVos said, “That’s easy — Captain America and Iron Man got in a big fight.” — Jimmy Fallon

In an interview yesterday, Trump questioned why America had a Civil War and suggested President Andrew Jackson could have prevented it, even though Jackson died 16 years before the Civil War started. Coincidentally, 50 years from now, the name “Donald Trump” is going to be the answer to the question, “Why was there a second Civil War?” — James Corden

Trump defended all his trips that he’s made to his golf courses, saying that he only goes there to hold meetings. Even guys who go to Hooters for the wings were like, “Yeah, right.” — Jimmy Fallon

Over the weekend, President Trump invited brutal Filipino dictator Rodrigo Duterte to visit the White House. It’s the first time Trump has ever said the words, “Rodrigo, please come to America.” — Conan O’Brien

Today President Trump had a phone call with Vladimir Putin. Actually, they’re just continuing the phone call they were having last night, since neither of them would hang up first. — Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday, Trump had a big phone call with Vladimir Putin, where they agreed to work together on handling Kim Jong-un. You know a leader’s unstable when Trump and Putin are like, “We gotta keep an eye on that guy!” — Jimmy Fallon

I mean, seriously — Trump and Putin “fixing” North Korea? That’s like Chris Christie and Newt Gingrich “guarding” a wedding cake. — Jimmy Fallon

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer today left his daily press briefing without taking questions from reporters. Spicer was apparently too busy taking questions from himself. “Why do I keep doing this? What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I quit?” — Seth Meyers

While discussing health care, a Republican congressman from Alabama said that people who lead good lives don’t get sick. Seconds later, he dropped dead. — Conan O’Brien

Today the House voted to pass the Republican health- care bill before taking an 11- day recess. They say they’re going to use the break to kick back, relax and finally read the bill they just voted for. — Jimmy Fallon

House Republicans today voted on and passed an Obamacare replacement bill without knowing how much it could cost. Though I’m not surprised — they also voted on an Obama replacement without knowing the cost. — Seth Meyers

A member of the conservative House Freedom Caucus said yesterday that it can be difficult to negotiate with President Trump because it’s hard to tell what he’s thinking. Also, if. — Seth Meyers