Late Night Laughs

AROUND THE WHITE HOUSE

Donald Trump was away from the White House this weekend, so it was pretty much like every other weekend since he became the president. — James Corden

But this time he was on his first international trip, visiting several countries in the Middle East. His first stop was Saudi Arabia. Trump is visiting the Muslim nations as part of his “Don’t Come to Us, We’ll Come to You” tour. — James Corden

Now, while in Israel, Trump visited a sacred historical site, the Western Wall. He wasn’t praying at the wall; he was shopping. “This is beautiful stone, beautiful stone. How much does 2,000 miles of this wall cost?” — James Corden

Trump became the first sitting U. S. president to visit the Western Wall in Jerusalem. His staff said he was praying, but people nearby heard him counting Mississippi. — Jimmy Fallon

I saw that today Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu gave Trump a 150-year- old Bible. Which got awkward when Trump autographed it and gave it back to him. — Jimmy Fallon

After Air Force One landed in Israel, Donald Trump reached for Melania’s hand and she slapped it away. Yeah, there’s video of it. She slaps it away. So we’ve been wrong all this time. They apparently do have a normal marriage. — Conan O’Brien

It’s the first time the first lady has smacked a president since every day of Bill Clinton’s administration. — Conan O’Brien

President Trump will meet with Pope Francis tomorrow at the Vatican. “I can’t wait to ask him why he wears that ridiculous thing on his head,” said the Pope. — Seth Meyers

President Trump and Pope Francis today had a 30- minute- long meeting in the Pope’s private study. We don’t know what they talked about, but since it was only 30 minutes, we can assume it wasn’t confession. — Seth Meyers

So after their meeting, Trump said he would never forget what the Pope told him. Then he immediately forgot what the Pope told him. — Jimmy Kimmel

Pope Francis met with President Trump today at the Vatican. “Bless you, my child,” said the Pope to the driver who took Trump away. — Seth Meyers

Meanwhile, Trump continues his trip in Europe. While visiting NATO headquarters today in Brussels, he was caught on camera rudely shoving another world leader out of the way. I mean, is he a president or a bridesmaid positioning to catch the bouquet? — James Corden

During a NATO meeting today, President Trump was seen pushing aside the prime minister of Montenegro so he could move to the front of the group. You’re a world leader, a world leader at a meeting of dignitaries and you act like they just called your number at KFC. — Seth Meyers

According to multiple reports, there may be some changes when the president gets back from his trip. White House “stress secretary” Sean Spicer might not be allowed to do the daily press briefings anymore, which would be a shame because that’s one of my favorite shows right now. — Jimmy Kimmel

It is rumored that Fox News host Kimberly Guilfoyle could replace Sean Spicer as White House press secretary. Spicer’s friends were going to take him out for drinks, but he said, “Actually, I’ve been drunk since January.” — Jimmy Fallon Source: www. newsmax. com