Late Night Laughs: Around the White House

From July 24-27

Well, it’s the end of an era. White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer resigned from his post on Friday. And just for old time’s sake, he denied it. — Seth Meyers

Spicer quit on Friday because Trump appointed a new communications director, former hedge fund manager and lawyer Anthony Scaramucci. Of course, when it comes to Scaramucci, there’s only one question everybody’s asking: [Queen “Bohemian Rhapsody” clip] “Scaramouche! Scaramouche! Will you do the fandango?” — Stephen Colbert

Not only did Sean Spicer resign over “the Mooch’s” hiring, but a White House insider says, “This was a murdering of Reince [Priebus] and [Steve] Bannon. They said Anthony would get this job over their dead bodies.” That’s terrible. Before this, those guys were only dead on the inside. — Stephen Colbert

Newly appointed White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci said today that he’s not a backstabber, but “more of a front-stabbing person.” And it’s very telling about this administration that they think there’s a right way to stab somebody. “I stab from the front, underhand. Like a gentleman.” — Seth Meyers

New White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci is on a real tear to stop leaks from the White House. We know this because someone in the White House leaked it. — James Corden

Scaramucci was livid last night after some of his financial information was leaked, so he went on Twitter and seemingly blamed chief of staff Reince Priebus for the leak, but then he deleted the tweet later, which is a great start for a communications director. — James Corden

Trump’s new communications director, Anthony Scaramucci, made news for comparing Trump’s attempt to repeal Obamacare to Lincoln abolishing slavery. In a related story, Anthony Scaramucci is now expected to take Sean Spicer’s spot on “Dancing With the Stars.” — Jimmy Fallon

Some big political news. Today President Trump went on Twitter and announced that he is banning transgender people from serving in the military. Trump said he understands this is a very sensitive issue, so he made sure to choose his emojis very carefully. — Jimmy Fallon

Another big story is Trump’s feud with Attorney General Jeff Sessions. When he was asked about what will happen to Sessions, Trump said, “Time will tell.” When asked if he was just stealing lines off his Magic 8- Ball, Trump said, “Ask again later.” — Jimmy Fallon

According to reports, President Trump is so unhappy with Attorney General Jeff Sessions that he is considering replacing him with former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani. That’s like being so unhappy with your wife that you’re considering replacing her with Rudy Giuliani. — Seth Meyers

Today, Senate Republicans voted to move forward in the process to repeal and replace Obamacare, even though they don’t know what they’re going to be voting on. That’s like going into a hospital and telling the surgeon, “Surprise me! Just go for it!” — Jimmy Fallon

That’s right, ahead of the healthcare vote, Senators were saying they had no clue what they’d be voting on. Then Americans said, “Hey — just like us during the election!” — Jimmy Fallon

This morning, two senators were caught on a hot mic calling President Trump “crazy.” And when the news came out, literally every member of the Senate was like, “Wait, was it me?” — Jimmy Fallon

Last night, President Trump gave a big speech at the Boy Scouts of America National Scout Jamboree. His health- care bill won the award for Scariest Campfire Story. — Jimmy Fallon

During his speech, Trump told the Scouts that Health and Human Resources Secretary Tom Price would be fired if Congress doesn’t repeal and replace Obamacare. To which the Boy Scouts replied, “Dude, we’re 10.” — James Corden

On the bright side, every Scout in attendance was able to earn his badge for “Listening to an old man (complain) about his job.” — James Corden

First lady Melania Trump announced today that her first solo international trip will be to Toronto, Canada. The purpose of her trip hasn’t been announced. But I’m guessing sanctuary? — Seth Meyers

The publisher of Hillary Clinton’s upcoming memoir announced today that the title of her book will be the statement “What Happened.” Well, that’s the censored version. — Seth Meyers