Minion humor

If someone calls you “ugly,” have a good comeback and say, “Excuse me, I’m not a mirror.”

My teacher pointed at me with his ruler and said, “At the end of this ruler, there’s an idiot.” I got detention after asking, “Which end?”

Dear haters, I couldn’t help but notice that “awesome” ends with “me,” and “ugly” starts with “u.”

Not sure if I’m sexy and I know it, or I’m ugly and I ignore it.

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?

A wedding ring is the smallest handcuff ever made. So choose your prison mate wisely.

Isn’t it funny how red, white and blue represent freedom … until they’re flashing behind you.

Homework = half of my energy wasted on random knowledge.

I saw people through the window today. That’s enough social interaction.

Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You are one of them.

Lazy is a very strong word. I like to call it “selective participation.”

When I was young, I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electric bill, I am scared of the lights.

My room is not dirty. I just have everything on display. Like a museum.

If you are hotter than me, does that make me cooler than you?

Lisa Denton