Super Eagles

Stu Bykofsky, a columnist for the Philadelphia Inquirer, opined earlier this week that the Super Bowl-bound Philadelphia Eagles have ruined years’ worth of jokes told at the once-struggling team’s expense.

“The Super Bowl is great for Philly, great for New England, great for the NFL,” he wrote. “For whom is it not great? Joke writers. It’s wiped out a vast library of their work.

He offered these examples that no longer work as the high-flying Eagles head to the championship game Sunday.

› What’s the best part about dating an Eagles fan? She won’t be asking for a ring.

› What did the Eagles fan say after the team won the Super Bowl? “Why’d you wake me up, Mom? I was having an amazing dream!”

› What do you call a Philadelphia Eagle with a Super Bowl ring? A thief.

› What’s the difference between a carp and an Eagles fan? One is a bottom-feeding scum sucker. The other is a fish.

› Why can’t quarterback [former quarterback] Sam Bradford use the phone? He can’t find the receiver.

› In divorce court, a judge asked Donovan and Raquel McNabb’s son which parent he wanted to live with. “Your mother?” asked the judge. “No,” said the son. “Why?” asked the judge. “Mom hits,” said the son, “but Dad doesn’t beat anyone.”

› Did you hear that Lincoln Financial Field had to be resodded? It’s really sad when you can’t even get your own grass to root for you.

› I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store. They put an Eagles jersey on it, and now it sucks again.

› What’s the difference between the Eagles and a dollar bill? You can get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

› What do the Eagles and opossums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

› What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The Philadelphia Eagles.

› Why don’t the Eagles have a website? They can’t string three “W’s” together.

› What does an Eagles fan do when the team has won the Super Bowl? Turns off the PlayStation 3.