Current events

From www.newsmax.com:

› A motorcycle gang in Canada is attacking businesses they don’t like by giving them mass one-star reviews online. They’re the fearsome … biker gang known as “Yelp’s Angels.” — Conan O’Brien

› DEA officials have seized 500 pounds of meth concealed inside Disney figurines, which explains why Goofy is missing all but two teeth. — Conan O’Brien

› A 112-year-old man in Japan was just named the world’s oldest man. He’s very happy. He said he’ll remember this moment for the rest of this week. — Jimmy Fallon

› The city of Anchorage, Alaska, has voted down a bathroom bill that discriminates against transgender people. Residents said, “You know, it’s so cold here in Alaska we can’t tell what genitals you have anyway.” — Conan O’Brien

› Starbucks is opening its first store in Uruguay. The Starbucks was supposed to open in Uganda, but a barista signed the paperwork. — Conan O’Brien

› One of the world’s top Donkey Kong players has been stripped of his records for cheating. He was going to be sentenced to life, but turns out he doesn’t have one. — Conan O’Brien

› A new report did not name New York City as one of the 25 best places to live in the country. “I’m shocked!” said an adult New Yorker with six roommates. — Seth Meyers

› A former Playboy bunny just became the oldest lingerie model at 83 years old. When asked why she went back to work, she said, “My Trump hush money ran out.” — Jimmy Fallon