Current events

› Facebook is working on a “talent show” feature that would let users record themselves singing and then upload their videos for comments. Facebook even has a catchy name for it: “YouTube.” — Jimmy Fallon

› Police in Maine just pulled over a man who drove a scooter all the way from Massachusetts using his cellphone as a headlight. Police had a lot of questions, mainly, “How’d you get your battery to last that long?!” — Jimmy Fallon

› Is everyone here familiar with Crocs? Well, there’s a brand-new style of Crocs that have just been introduced and they’re selling out all over the place, although I’m not sure why. High-heel Crocs! Did we ask for this? High-heel Crocs: The perfect shoe for when you get invited to a wedding and the invitation says, “Food-court formal.” — James Corden

› Recently, couples in Montana competed in the first ever Rocky Mountain Wife Carrying Championship. This is a competition where husbands carry their wives on their backs through an obstacle course. The only requirements to compete are that you must be married and it must not be going well. — James Corden

› The obstacles included a mud pit, a median wall and a dirt ramp, although most of the couples failed at the final challenge, which was agreeing on a place for dinner. — James Corden

› Today, Europe’s highest court ruled that Nestlé cannot patent the breakapart shape of its Kit Kat chocolate bar. Kit Kat responded to the verdict saying, “Give me a break.” — James Corden

› Dunkin Donuts is now selling its first ever gluten-free product. It’s called a “cup.” — Seth Meyers

› It just came out that the next season of “American Horror Story” will be called “American Horror Story: Apocalypse.” But the producers also considered some other names for the new season that are even scarier. For instance, they almost went with “American Horror Story: The Line at Whole Foods.” Next there’s “American Horror Story: Your Phone Is at 5 Percent and Nobody at Work Has a Charger You Can Borrow.” Finally, there is “American Horror Story: You Got Antsy, Switched Lanes and Now the Other Lane Is Moving, But You Are Stuck.” — Jimmy Fallon

› IKEA has announced plans to test out smallscale stores that could fit more easily into city environments. Just as soon as builders can figure out the instructions. — Seth Meyers

› A new study suggests that dogs notice and try to help when people are upset or in danger. Cats, on the other hand, think it’s hilarious. — Seth Meyers

› Scientists in Canada are working to create the world’s first beer brewed entirely from cannabis. Scientists say they’ve been working tirelessly from morning to midmorning. — Seth Meyers

› Home Depot just had its best quarter in company history. When asked what they’ll do with the money, Home Depot said, “Hire a second employee.” — Jimmy Fallon

Laugh Lines is compiled from various sources, including reader submissions and websites. Origins are included when known.