Late Night Laughs: Current events

Historian Ron Chernow took over speaker duties, in lieu of a comedian, at last weekend’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner. From USA Today and political website The Hill are some of his most notable jokes and jabs of the evening.

› “They wanted to try ‘boring’ at this year’s dinner, and I said, ‘Oh, I can deliver on that big time!’ So here I am, your 20-minute sedative for the evening.”

› “As best I can tell, [George] Washington committed only one major blunder as president: He failed to put his name on Mount Vernon and thereby bungled an early opportunity at branding. Clearly deficient in the art of the deal, the poor man had to settle for the lowly title of ‘Father of his Country.’” (Alluding to Trump’s book “The Art of the Deal” and a Politico report that Trump once said during a tour of Washington’s home, “If he was smart, he would’ve put his name on it.”)

› Alexander Hamilton, who came to the American colonies from Nevis, was “an immigrant who arrived, thank God, before the country was full. Frankly, I don’t know why they let the guy in. Clearly, someone slipped up at the southern border.” (Referencing Trump’s recent comments that the U.S. is “full” and can no longer accept illegal immigrants or asylum seekers.)

› “As you all know, on Tuesday the president let it be known that he wanted members of his administration to stay away from this dinner. And at first, I was puzzled by this news, but then I learned a rumor was circulating in Washington that I was going to be reading from the redacted sections of the Mueller report and everything was explained.” (Chernow’s supposed “real” reason Trump and the White House were boycotting the event.)

› “As we head into election season, I leave you with one last gem from [Mark] Twain: ‘Politicians and diapers must be changed often and for the same reason.’”