Monstrosities

› What do you call a monster that eats too fast? A gobblin’ goblin.

› Who did the monster take on a Halloween date? His ghoulfriend.

› What did Frankenstein say about his bride? It was love at first fright.

› What is a monster’s favorite game? Hide and shriek.

› What kind of streets do zombies prefer? Dead ends.

Halloween night

The man was walking home late Halloween night when he saw dozens of giant cupcakes and pies everywhere. It was kind of scary.

The streets were oddly desserted.

The hitchhiker

A young man is on his way to visit a friend way out in the country, but his car breaks down on a dark and lonely road. He is still quite a distance from the friend’s house, but he decides maybe he can walk the rest of the way. And so he starts out, but then it begins to rain so heavily that he can’t see his hands in front of him.

Unfamiliar with the road and unable to see in the dark and pouring rain, he huddles under a tree waiting for a car to pass.

Hours go by with no traffic passing by and the rain still beating down. The young man is beginning to give up hope. The next town isn’t for miles, so he’s thinking

he might have to stay the night under this tree if he doesn’t find a ride.

Just as things are looking grim, he catches sight of a car’s headlights moving slowly toward him. He’s saved!

Desperate for a ride, he jumps into the slow-moving vehicle without waiting for it to come to a complete stop. When he turns to the driver to say thanks, he realizes to his horror that this moving car has no driver. The rain is so heavy, he can’t even hear the sound of the engine as the car continues its journey down the dark and lonely road.

The young man is paralyzed with fear. He’s too afraid to jump out of the car and run, too afraid to even move. Then he sees the car is coming to

a sharp bend that leads down to dark water, and he begins to pray for his life. He is sure the ghost car will go off the road and into the river, where he will surely drown.

Right before the car makes it to the bend, a shadowy hand reaches in through the driver side window and turns the wheel, guiding the car around the bend. Just as silently, the hand disappears through the window, and the hitchhiker is alone again.

At every bend, the same ghostly hand reaches through the window and turns the wheel. Finally, scared nearly to death, he sees the lights of a town in the distance. He jumps out of the car and runs as fast as he can toward the town.

Wet and in shock, he

goes into the nearest bar and tells everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence envelops the room, and everybody gets goosebumps when they realize the guy is telling the truth about the strange car and the ghostly hand that guided it on its way.

Just then, two men walk into the bar. They are dripping wet. As they take off their rain gear, they look around the room, and their eyes come to rest on the hitchhiker. They point at him ominously.

“Look!” says one of the men. “There’s the idiot who jumped into our car when we were pushing it in the rain.”

Laugh Lines is compiled from various sources, including reader submissions and websites. Origins are included when known.