Chattanooga Times Free Press - ChattanoogaNow
Laugh Lines
The coronavirus is a serious public health threat, and that’s no joke. But if the unsettling events of the past few weeks have you needing a little levity, read on. If not, go hug your stockpile of toilet paper to make yourself feel better.
Cop humor
They’ve been getting some flak about it, but a few police departments have been posting fake coronavirus advisories to Facebook. They’re not exactly official, but if they work …
› From the Merrill (Wisconsin) Police Department: WARNING: If you have recently purchased meth, it may be contaminated with the coronavirus. Please take it to the Merrill Police Department and we will test it for free. If you’re not comfortable going into an office setting, please request any officer and they’ll test your meth in the privacy of your home.
Please spread the word! We are here for you!
› The Struthers (Ohio) Police Department: Due to the coronavirus, the police department is asking that all criminal activities stop until further notice. Thank you for your anticipated cooperation in the matter. We will update you when we deem it’s appropriate to proceed with yo bad selves.
The Telltale Face
Buzzfeed collected 19 relatable tweets about the coronavirus outbreak and trying not to touch your face. A sampling:
› Realizing basically all I do is touch my face. @ Sethrogen
› Authority figures talking about how face touching is so dangerous and unclean. Like are you TRYING to make it my new fetish? @AnnaKendrick47
› Be bold. Be brave. Touch your face. @ tanyachen
› But if I don’t touch my face, who is going to? @ tjchambersLA
› Retiring so I can focus full-time on what I never realized was my main passion — touching my face. @ ScottAukerman
› Behaves normally / Reads you shouldn’t touch your face because of the coronavirus. / SPENDS THE REST OF THE DAY
WITH ONE HAND IN MY MOUTH AND THE OTHER IN MY EYE OH MY GOD HAVE I ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS?!? @ amberruffin
› I have touched my face more tonight than I have in my entire life. My face skin CRIES OUT to be touched.
It’s like The Telltale Face over here. @PFTompkins
› I want to die as I lived — frequently touching my own face. @stephenlc
Laugh Lines is compiled from various sources, including reader submissions and websites. Origins are included when known.