Late Night Laughs

KEEPING UP WITH THE CANDIDATES

› Experts say Hillary Clinton’s campaign strategy is to ignore the controversies and just run out the clock. By the way, that also happens to be Hillary Clinton’s marital strategy. — Conan O’Brien

› Politico is now reporting that Hillary Clinton’s campaign is using a run-outthe-clock strategy against Donald Trump, hoping to just outlast him until November. “Sounds like a good plan,” said Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush and John Kasich. — Jimmy Fallon

› On Saturday, Hillary Clinton will receive her first official intelligence briefing as a candidate. Officials plan to tell Hillary about threats to U.S. cybersecurity such as Russia, China and her. — Conan O’Brien

› The leader of England’s Brexit movement spoke at a Trump rally and he said, “I wouldn’t vote for Clinton if you paid me.” So in other words, Hillary has lost the critical “People Who Live in England” vote. — Conan O’Brien

› Donald Trump’s campaign is now saying he didn’t change his immigration plan, he just changed the words he used to describe it. They also said Trump hasn’t been married three times, he’s just changed the person he calls “wife.” — Conan O’Brien

› Hillary Clinton cited an old Mexican proverb in her speech in Nevada today to highlight the unchanging nature of Donald Trump. A Mexican proverb, or as Trump calls it, “A spell!” — Seth Meyers

› Donald Trump’s running mate Mike Pence tweeted six pictures of himself stopping to get a burger in North Carolina yesterday. Chris Christie was like, “OK, now he’s just rubbing it in.” — Seth Meyers

› Donald Trump traveled to Mexico today to meet with President Enrique Peña Nieto. Said Trump, “Wow, this place has more illegal immigrants than we do.” — Seth Meyers

› Donald Trump and Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto held a joint press conference where Trump said the two did discuss his proposed border wall but did not address payment for its construction. Said Trump, “You know me, I don’t like to talk about money.” — Seth Meyers

› Today Donald Trump made a last-minute trip to Mexico to meet with Mexican President Enrique Peña [Nieto] — and you just know that as soon as Trump crossed into Mexico, even Hillary Clinton was like, “OK, let’s get cracking on that wall.” — James Corden

› The Mexican president is saying that he told Trump that Mexico would not pay for the wall, while Trump says they never discussed who would pay for it. In Trump’s defense, who has ever gone down to Mexico and remembered what they did? — James Corden

› If you’re feeling frustrated with Trump’s Mexico antics and you’re not quite sold on Hillary Clinton, luckily there’s another presidential candidate who has been making her voice heard and that’s Green Party candidate Jill Stein. If you don’t know who Jill Stein is, just picture Bernie Sanders, and now picture the woman in the back of his rally selling dream catchers. — James Corden