KEEPING UP WITH THE CANDIDATES
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Yesterday, in China, President Obama had a meeting with Vladimir Putin. And before they started, Obama texted Michelle: “Going into a meeting, love you.” While Putin texted the same thing to Donald Trump. — Jimmy Fallon ›
President Obama flew to China for Labor Day because he wanted to see where American labor went. — Stephen Colbert ›
The president is there for his very last G20 Summit. So, the next time he talks international economics, it’ll be with a really bored person at a party. — Stephen Colbert ›
There was a bit of a rough patch at the beginning of the meeting, when Chinese officials wouldn’t let President Obama get off Air Force One using the normal staircase, or “Stair Force One” … I hope that’s what they call it. — Stephen Colbert ›
A lot of people were saying President Obama was snubbed by China when they didn’t have the stairs ready for him to get off the plane. In fact, Donald Trump said that if that ever happened to him, he’d just close the plane doors and leave the country. Every other country was like, “That’s all we have to do? Thank you. That’s perfect!” — Jimmy Fallon
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Did you see Donald Trump dancing at the gospel church? Donald Trump this weekend, as part of his new initiative to woo African-American voters, visited the Great Faith Ministries Church in Detroit. He said he was there to listen. I don’t know what he was listening to, but based on his dancing, it clearly wasn’t music. — Jimmy Kimmel ›
After three weddings you’d think he’d have learned how to dance. I bet if you asked him if he’s a good dancer he’d say, “Yeah, I’m the best, nobody dances like me.” And it’s true, nobody does dance like that. — Jimmy Kimmel ›
The latest CNN poll has Donald Trump beating Hillary Clinton 45 percent to 43 percent. But the good news is, the staffer who informed Hillary is expected to make a full recovery. — Seth Meyers ›
A national Washington Post survey found that Donald Trump has historically low support among college-educated women. It’s from their new segment, “Stuff You Could Have Guessed.” — Seth Meyers ›
Jessica Alba’s Honest Company is selling “bipartisan diapers” featuring the Democratic donkey and Republican elephant holding hands. Because at the end of the day, both Republicans and Democrats are basically full of the same thing. — Jimmy Fallon