Mom’s dismissing asexual daughter

DEAR ABBY: I have recently started disclosing to close friends and family that I am asexual (someone who experiences no sexual attraction to any person). For the most part they have been supportive, but my mother and one of my friends are having trouble accepting it. I have told them I do not want children and that I am repulsed by the thought of sexual intercourse, but my mother acts like if I don’t have children, I won’t be as welcome. She even suggested that I could marry a gay man, so sex wouldn’t be an issue. And my friend continues to pressure me into dating, saying I “just haven’t met the right one yet.”

Abby, I have no clue how to maintain contact with them, as they seem unwilling to let my sexual identity be my business. — AN ACE IN A HOLE

DEAR ACE: Your sexual identity became their business the minute you told them you were asexual. The problem is that your friend and your mother do not understand what asexuality is — and many people don’t. Please tell your mother for me that marrying a gay man is not the answer because he may want a sex life, something to which he is entitled, by the way. As to your friend, she’s well-meaning I’m sure, but misguided.

You are who you are. You’re not going to change, and you should not be punished for it. Please try not to be defensive because this is your chance to educate. Answer their questions with patience and kindness and do not let yourself be bullied or emotionally blackmailed into doing anything you are not comfortable with.

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