Current events

› Fox News announced that Bill O’Reilly has been fired after his sexual harassment scandal. Experts say it is not likely that any self-respecting network will ever hire him — then CNN said, “Welcome aboard!” — Jimmy Fallon

› I saw that earlier today, O’Reilly actually met with Pope Francis at the Vatican. And when he saw O’Reilly go into confession, the next guy in line said, “You know what? I’ll come back tomorrow.” — Jimmy Fallon

› One person who hasn’t had a great day is Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly, who has been fired from the network after years of multimillion-dollar sexual harassment suits. I mean Fox News had no choice. They have a very strict “28 strikes and you’re out” policy. — James Corden

› This is a lesson for all of us: If you behave like an animal who sexually harasses women, you can’t host a talk show. You can be president, but you can’t host a talk show. — James Corden

› In addition to being cable’s top-rated host, O’Reilly has written a number of best-selling books including “Killing Lincoln,” “Killing Reagan” and “Killing Kennedy.” And I really look forward to his next book, “Killing Time at Home.” — James Corden

› Bill O’Reilly has been fired by Fox News. It’s not that big of a surprise. We all saw this coming at us, you know, like an old man cornering an intern in the break room. — Stephen Colbert

› After allegedly sexually harassing his fellow employees, Bill O’Reilly is leaving Fox News with a severance worth $25 million. So with that in mind, I’d just like to say to [sidekick] Andy [Richter], “Nice rack.” — Conan O’Brien

Laugh Lines is compiled from various sources, including reader submissions and websites. Origins are included when known.