Insensitive doctor distresses patient
DEAR DOCTOR: My doctor recently made such an insensitive remark to me about my dog’s death that I still haven’t gotten over it. Do I even bother to bring this up at my next appointment, or just try to forget about it?
DEAR READER: The relationship humans have with dogs is one of simple love, without the degree of complexity that isolates humans from one another. Because I have experienced the death of a dog, I know that it can be like losing a family member.
Your doctor, however, may not have had that experience, may never even have had a dog, may be indifferent to dogs or may just plain dislike them. We don’t know. Nor do we know exactly what he or she was thinking at the time of the appointment. Clearly, however, your doctor could have done a better job of acknowledging your suffering.
But keep in mind, if you can, that your doctor has many patients and must give attention to each one of them. This includes not just listening but getting a thorough history of the current problem, making an accurate diagnosis and providing an appropriate treatment. Then there are the other duties: taking phone calls from patients, refilling medications and ensuring documentation on electronic medical records.
What I know from working with doctors over the last 20 years is that most are good-intentioned — but not perfect. We try to be. But we do make mistakes sometimes in dealing with people. Although it’s difficult to admit that we could have done better, we nonetheless want to know how to do so next time.
My recommendation is to talk to your doctor about how much your dog meant to you. We can only hope that your doctor will understand and sympathize with your loss. If he or she doesn’t, take a step back and look at the relationship overall. If this is an isolated event, try not to focus on the reaction to your dog’s death.
If this isn’t an isolated event, and you feel that the relationship between you and your doctor is strained, consider finding a new primary doctor.
Robert Ashley, M.D., is an internist and assistant professor of medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles.
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