FAMILY STILL TRUMPS ‘VILLAGE’
Hillary Clinton’s ghostwritten 1996 book “It Takes a Village” was the then-first lady’s paean to the social engineering method of raising children to which many in her generation aspire.
In it, though giving lip service to marriage, sexual abstinence and personal responsibility, she advocated for the likes of universal health care, minimum wage increases and a variety of government-involved programs that have little to do with a child’s family of origin. It is a companion to what passes for life for many Americans who were born after the advent of President Lyndon Johnson’s mid-1960s Great Society programs, which sought to make federal government the ultimate underpinning for individuals but wound up downgrading the value of marriage, dividing poor families and perpetuating poverty.
Despite what has taken place in the 50-plus years since the “village” was given such a responsibility in child raising, new Barna research indicates the family still plays a significant role in individuals’ identity.
The research, done for the new book “The Tech-Wide Family: Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in its Proper Place” by Andy Crouch, finds that 86 percent of respondents say family plays “some” or “a lot” of a role in their identity. Of that 86 percent, 62 percent chose “a lot.”
That’s the good news — that, as the maxim goes, “parents are a child’s first teacher,” their playmates, their nurturers, their role models for work and responsibility, their exemplars in learning right from wrong.
The bad news is, according to Barna, each succeeding generation says their family has had less of a role in doing so. Seventy-six percent of respondents in the category known as elders (older than baby boomers) say family makes up “a lot” of their identity. From there, only 64 percent of boomers, 61 percent of generation Xers and 53 percent of millennials say it.
In other words, nearly half of millennials believe something other than family makes up “a lot” of their identity. Their other choices were my ethnic group, my religious faith, being an American, my city/town, my career and my state.
Though not listed but perhaps factored in by respondents were friends and media, which might range from traditional forms of communication such as newspapers, radio and television to more modern forms such as the internet, social media and blogs.
Individuals of every generation have been influenced by their culture, especially early in their lives, but at their cores they have considered their families their moral arbiters.
The Barna research doesn’t say, but we wonder if the family/identity percentage has been decreasing with succeeding generations because there are fewer family members present to help create and nurture that identity, because families are increasingly abdicating the responsibility, or because there is more out there to help fill the vacuum if or when families don’t do their part.
When families do take seriously their role in helping create their children’s identity, according to the research, they most often focus on self-control, followed closely behind by patience and being happy. They focus less often on, in order of frequency, fairness, being a good friend, forgiveness and work ethic (all three tied), conflict resolution, reliability and serving others.
Among the characteristics of what is focused on least often, serving others is first, followed by forgiveness and self-control, work ethic and reliability (all three tied).
Without knowing too much about the inner workings of the research, we hesitate to read too much into the characteristics. But we note that self-control, patience and being happy — the three characteristics most focused upon — deal largely with the self. The rest of the characteristics in some way deal with the self’s relationship with someone else. That fits in with what sociologists tell us — that narcissism and self-centeredness are increasing with each generation.
While Shakespeare had Polonius in “Hamlet” say “to thine own self be true,” many have found that in serving others, in being a good friend, in forgiveness and in fairness, for instance, one learns patience, self-control and is happy.
Today in America, the family that helps make up “a lot” of our identity may be a traditional mother and father with children, a single parent with children, grandparents or other guardians with children, or even two mothers or two fathers with children. Regardless of what we think about how society has drifted from what families have been for millennia, each family still can take seriously its role in providing a child with a good start in life, proper values and the stability needed for success.
If we do that, succeeding generations won’t have to look elsewhere for their identity.