Driver error
A woman calls her husband and says, “Darling, the car is broken. It won’t start.”
“What?! It’s in perfect order. What’s wrong with it?”
“There’s water in the carburetor.”
“Oh, no, where are you now?”
“Um, in the lake behind the house.” believes is the world’s largest fidget spinner. And then he went home and slept in the world’s emptiest bed. — Seth Meyers
› Spirit Airlines recently gave a family 21 years of free travel after a mother went into labor and gave birth midflight. Though they probably should have given those free flights to the guy sitting next to her. — Seth Meyers
› For the fourth time, a small town in Kentucky has elected a dog as its mayor. People were so excited; at the victory party, they kept chanting, “28 more years! 28 more years!” — Jimmy Fallon
› According to a new study, the best-received smiles are those that have a pleasing balance of teeth, which is incidentally the worst-received compliment. “Has anyone ever told you how your balance of teeth is pleasing to the eye? Is this seat taken?” — Seth Meyers
› A company in New York City has opened what some are calling a nonalcoholic cocktail bar that creates drinks using lemons and herbal ingredients instead of alcohol. And this is cool — they’re using empty chairs instead of customers. — Seth Meyers
› A new poll found that 10 percent of people post vacation photos on social media to make others jealous, and 100 percent of people click on them to see co-workers in a bathing suit. — Seth Meyers
› [Last] weekend [was] the July 4th holiday weekend, or as your dog calls it, PTSD Day. — Seth Meyers