Late Night Laughs

AROUND THE WHITE HOUSE

› Yesterday, President Trump said that Obama copied him by calling the Republican healthcare bill “Mean.” And then Obama said Trump copied him by spending the last six months doing nothing. — Jimmy Fallon

› Actually, though, Obama is taking some heat right now, because it came out that two senators tried to warn him that Russia was trying to hack the election, and he ignored them. Trump promises that if he ever gets top-secret information about Russia, he’ll do the responsible thing and tweet it. — Jimmy Fallon

› This weekend, Mike Pence officiated the wedding of Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin. Pence said, “You may now kiss the bride.” Then he was like, “Not you, Mr. President.” — Jimmy Fallon

› Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin got married this weekend for the third time, and the wedding was officiated by Vice President Mike Pence. Because if there’s one thing Mike Pence stands for, it’s the sanctity of a third marriage. — Seth Meyers

› President Trump and wife Melania this weekend attended the wedding of Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin. When asked if she cries at weddings, Melania said, “Just the one.” — Seth Meyers

› I saw yesterday Republican senators took coach buses to the White House to meet with Trump about health care. You could tell which senators actually read the bill, ‘cuz they were the ones buckling their seatbelts. — Jimmy Fallon

› Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell announced that voting on the [health care] bill would be delayed until after the Fourth of July. It’s a smart move. You don’t want to strip people of health care until after the holiday that mixes booze and explosives. — Stephen Colbert

› Republicans, who were already nervous, ran for the exits after the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office announced yesterday that under the GOP plan, 22 million people would lose their health coverage. That’s a big number. To put that number into perspective, if you laid 22 million people end to end, it would reach Canada, where they could get health care. — Stephen Colbert

› I saw that President Trump retweeted a 16-year-old who posted a photo calling CNN the “Fake News Network.” When asked what it’s like to have a child follow you on Twitter, the 16-year-old said, “Pretty cool!” — Jimmy Fallon

› During a phone call with the Irish prime minister yesterday, President Trump reportedly told an Irish journalist in the Oval Office that she had “a nice smile on her face.” Then he said, “Wait, now it’s gone.” — Seth Meyers