AROUND THE WHITE HOUSE

From July 31-Aug. 4:

› Today, President Trump officially removed Anthony Scaramucci as his communications director. And this was a little awkward — when Scaramucci called an Uber to pick him up at the White House, Sean Spicer was driving. — Jimmy Fallon

› Scaramucci lost his job after just 10 days, following an obscene interview with The New Yorker. You know it’s bad when you get fired after 10 days and everyone’s still like, “What took so long?” — Jimmy Fallon

› And get this — Scaramucci’s official start date was supposed to be Aug. 15. Or as Trump put it, “See? We’re setting so many records. He’s the first person to ever get fired BEFORE they even start working.” — Jimmy Fallon

› It came out that Scaramucci actually missed the birth of his son last week because he was with Trump, so he texted his wife “Congratulations.” Trump was like, “You don’t text your wife after she has your baby — you tweet her!” — Jimmy Fallon

› Meanwhile, Donald Trump tweeted about Reince Priebus, who he fired. He wrote, “We accomplished a lot together, and I am proud of him.” That’s two lies in one sentence. — Jimmy Kimmel

› It will be easier for Reince Priebus to go into a souvenir shop and find a novelty license plate with his name on it than it will be to find a job after this. — Jimmy Kimmel

› The Mooch lasted as communications director for only 10 days. Yes, 10 days! That’s not even one whole pay period. His going-away party can serve what’s left of his welcome cake. — Stephen Colbert

› People are still talking about Anthony Scaramucci — he lasted just 10 days, making him the shortest-serving White House communications director ever. But don’t feel bad — publishers have offered him a lot of money to write a tell-all pamphlet about the experience. — Jimmy Fallon

› Trump is apparently looking for a less prominent position for Scaramucci that wouldn’t require him to be seen very often. Then Scaramucci said, “You want me to be first lady?” — Jimmy Fallon

› After President Trump removed White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci yesterday, he tweeted, “A great day at the White House.” Coincidentally, a great day at the White House is the average length of employment there. — Seth Meyers

› White House officials yesterday said they hope to have a bill on tax reform sent to President Trump before December. December? Do you know how much time could happen between now and December? That’s 12 Scaramuccis from now. — Seth Meyers

› According to NBC, Ivanka and first lady Melania Trump were disgusted by Scaramucci’s crude comments to The New Yorker. They say they absolutely will not tolerate that kind of language from someone whose will they are not in. — Seth Meyers

› On Friday, Trump hired new White House chief of staff, Gen. John Kelly. No surprise Trump picked a general. According to one source, “The kinds of people that Trump particularly likes are people with bucks (money) and braids, the military.” Yes, he likes people with bucks and braids. So if Kelly doesn’t work out, congratulations to our next chief of staff, Sparkle the show pony. — Stephen Colbert

› Yesterday was White House Chief of Staff John Kelly’s first day on the job. But it got awkward when he showed up and said, “Why are you writing my name on the door in dry-erase marker?” — Jimmy Fallon

› Tomorrow the president is leaving for a twoweek vacation to his beloved Bedminster golf club in New Jersey. Finally, he’ll get time to play some golf. — Jimmy Kimmel

› President Trump started his big vacation today. But before he left, he visited FEMA’s headquarters. FEMA said it was a nice change of pace to have a disaster come to them. — Jimmy Fallon