Around the White House

President Trump today hosted the prime minister of Thailand at the White House. When asked “Where’s Thailand?” Trump said, “Usually about 4 inches below my belt.” — Seth Meyers

Today Trump went to Puerto Rico to survey the damage done by the hurricane. And Mike Pence will go there tomorrow, to survey the damage done by the president. — Jimmy Fallon But Trump had a nice visit to Puerto Rico. He said it gave all the First Responders a chance to meet with the Last Responder. Trump told Puerto Rico that the recovery effort really threw his budget “out of whack.” Puerto Rico said, “Well next time there’s a hurricane, we’ll just push the island out of the way, so it won’t get in the way of your budget.” — Jimmy Fallon

President Trump was in Puerto Rico today to survey the hurricane damage. Trump looked around then told the locals, “If I were you, I’d go stay at your second homes.” — Conan O’Brien

Trump even took time to meet with victims of the hurricane. Although, he could use some help with the small talk: [clip of Trump] “We’re going to help you out. Have a good time.” Have a good time? You’re at a disaster site, not working the floor at your casino! “You havin’ fun here? Listen, I’m gonna comp you a half a gallon of drinking water. Enjoy your hurricane. Don’t forget to tip your FEMA worker.” — Stephen Colbert

It just came out that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called President Trump a “moron” and threatened to quit. You can tell the situation’s a mess, cuz Trump started throwing paper towels at it. — Jimmy Fallon

It turns out Mike Pence gave Rex Tillerson a “pep talk” to get him to stay on as secretary of State. Cuz nothing screams “pep” like a talk from Mike Pence. — Jimmy Fallon

But after it came out that Tillerson called Trump a “moron,” Tillerson held a press conference and called the president “smart.” Then he said, “Do you think the moron bought it?” — Jimmy Fallon

Following yesterday’s story that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called Trump a moron, this morning Donald Trump went on a Twitter rant, saying, “This is fake news put out by NBC. Low news and reporting standards.” Now, he may be right about NBC having low standards. They did air 14 seasons of “The Apprentice.” — James Corden