Late Night Laughs: Around the White House
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The Trump administration has banned the CDC from using seven words in official documents for next year’s budget. The seven words are “Hillary Clinton actually won the popular vote.” — Seth Meyers ›
The Trump administration has banned the CDC from using a list of seven words … vulnerable, entitlement, diversity, transgender, fetus, evidence-based and science-based. And then Mike Pence added his seven bad words, “Gosh, darn, nuts, heck, shoot, shucks” and the c-word, which is just “Crud.” — Seth Meyers ›
Disney’s Hall of Presidents just added a Donald Trump robot. He’s really making an impact at Disney. Today, he deported Aladdin, and he gave Scrooge McDuck a tax break. — Jimmy Fallon ›
Yeah, they added Trump to the Hall of Presidents. You can tell it’s Trump’s robot, cuz Putin’s backstage controlling it. — Jimmy Fallon ›
The House passed the GOP tax bill. Yep, the Senate will follow, and Trump is expected to sign it into law this week. Which will get awkward when Trump says, “I’m busy — have my robot do it.” — Jimmy Fallon
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President Trump had a very good day. He’s very proud — Republicans finally passed his tax bill, which means Trump’s about to sign his first major piece of legislation. Yep, his chest was puffed out so far his tie was actually at a normal length. “Wow! It’s actually at my waist!” — Jimmy Fallon ›
I read that a majority of Americans would end up paying more in taxes by the year 2027. Trump said its payback for the majority of Americans who voted for Hillary Clinton. — Jimmy Fallon ›
Yeah, a lot of people are upset. In fact, I read that a woman took her top off in the House while protesting the vote. Security escorted her out, while Trump said, “Let’s hear what she has to say!” — Jimmy Fallon ›
The House passed a Republican tax bill today, which was great news for everyone from the super wealthy all the way down to the that’s it. — Seth Meyers ›
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said that the tax plan is “an all-out looting of America, a wholesale robbery of the middle class.” Which incidentally, is also the slogan for Whole Foods. — Jimmy Fallon