Late Night Laughs: Around the White House

› Tomorrow, President Trump will have his first physical since taking office. They’ll get off to a weird start when he eats an entire jar of cotton balls because he thinks they’re marshmallows. — Jimmy Fallon

› You’ll know Trump eats a lot of junk food when the doctor puts his stethoscope to his chest and Trump’s heart whispers, “Help me!” — Jimmy Fallon

› There will be another awkward moment when Trump tells the doctor he’s sexually active, and from the waiting room, Melania yells, “Fake news!” — Jimmy Fallon

› It was a big day for President Trump. Today was the live results show for his annual checkup. Trump’s doctor spoke to members of the press for about an hour today sharing the results of his first physical since taking office. The doctor said the examination went exceptionally well — which means he was able to get Trump to stop eating fried chicken long enough to take his blood pressure. — Jimmy Kimmel

› After Trump’s exam, his doctor said he found “no cognitive or mental issues whatsoever.” But the doctor did say, “Keep in mind, I am a proctologist.” — Conan O’Brien

› President Trump claimed that he scored higher on his cognitive test than all his predecessors. His psychological test could use a little work, though [shows three Rorschach images]: “Hillary Clinton in prison … Hillary Clinton in prison … A butterfly talking to Hillary Clinton in prison.” — Seth Meyers

› Donald Trump clocked in, according to the doctor, at 6’3” and 239 pounds — even though his driver’s license in New York says 6’2”… I guess he’s getting taller as he ages. It’s very common. — Jimmy Kimmel

› With the president being 6’3” and 239 pounds, according to the body mass index by the Federal Health and Human Services Department Trump is overweight and just 1 pound shy of obesity. One pound short of being obese — that’s awfully convenient. “Listen, Doc, I feel like this wad of cash is about 1 pound. Why don’t you take that off my hands and weigh me again?” — Stephen Colbert

› Doctors are saying the result of President Trump’s physical revealed that he is borderline obese. In fairness, he did promise us growth. — Conan O’Brien

› After the results of his physical were released, many Americans are claiming President Trump is lying about his weight. In other words, maybe he really is one of us. — Conan O’Brien