Late-Night Laughs: Around the White House
› Over the weekend, Vladimir Putin won a fourth term as president of Russia. It’s Putin’s first presidential victory since the 2016 American election. — James Corden
› President Trump called Vladimir Putin to congratulate him on his re-election. Yup, he called Putin on the phone. Or, as Trump calls it, “a pooty call.” — Jimmy Fallon
› When asked today if the Russian election was free and fair, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, quote, “We’re focused on our elections. We don’t get to dictate how other countries operate.” “Ha, ha! Good one,” said Iraq. — Seth Meyers
› In addition to President Trump, it turns out Kim Jong Un also called Putin to congratulate him on his election victory. Putin said afterward, “Wow, I’m hearing from all the crazies.” — Conan O’Brien
› South Korean President Moon today raised the possibility of three-way talks between North Korea, South Korea and the U.S. Yeah, I’ll bet he did. It’s like when you and your psycho friends from high school said, “Hey, we’re going to go light off bottle rockets,” and your dad was like, “You know what, why don’t I come with you?” — Seth Meyers
› China is pressuring Washington not to impose big tariffs on its steel. You can tell China’s playing hardball because today they said, “Remember – we have your new iPhones.” — Conan O’Brien
› Former FBI director James Comey’s memoir has already topped Amazon’s list of best-sellers, almost a month ahead of its release, due to preorders. Or you can find it in your local bookstore blocking Hillary Clinton’s book. — Seth Meyers
› A former Playboy Playmate named Karen McDougal says she had an affair with Trump and now she’s suing him. You know things are crazy when you hear the president is being sued by a porn star and people go, “Which one?” — Jimmy Fallon
› President Trump is now being sued by a porn star, a reality star and a Playboy model — or as Trump’s evangelical supporters call that, “the holy trinity.” — Conan O’Brien
› The news about Trump is really getting juicy. Now multiple porn stars are saying they had affairs with him. It’s tough for Trump, because he doesn’t know whether to deny it or brag about it. — Jimmy Fallon
› You’ve got to hand it to Trump. Between Playboy models, porn stars, and having his own helicopter, he’s living out every 14-year-old boy’s fantasy every day. — James Corden