How to be a good dad … even from the road
A professional baseball player recently asked how he can be a better dad while he’s away during the season.
“I’m on the road a lot,” he said. “I love my job, but I hate being away from my kids (ages 6, 9, and 13) — and I know they’re not happy about it either. How can I stay connected to them when I’m away?”
Besides missing their kids, a lot of sports pros who spend time away from home worry that they won’t be able to play an important role in their children’s lives or have an influence on how they grow up. But there’s an important difference between physical separation and emotional separation.
Here are some great ways you can stay involved with your children while you’re on the road.
› Plan ahead. Before you go, let the kids know where you’re going and how long you’ll be gone (you probably have a copy of your season schedule stuck to your refrigerator, but talk to the kids before each trip anyway). The more details you tell them about the trip, the better. For your youngest two, hide a few small presents or love letters for them to find after you’ve left. And remind them that they can call or text.
› Keep in touch. As hard as a few days or weeks away may be for you, it’s even harder for your children. So try to be in touch every day. Texts and selfies are OK, but getting an actual postcard or, gulp, a letter with some silly drawings, will be a special treat for any child.
› Don’t forget the phone. Besides talking or face-timing, you can sing songs together, read bedtime stories or even help the kids with their homework (hey, school’s starting back up in less than a month!) Be flexible, though. Your youngest may not have the attention span to hold up his or her end of a conversation for more than a few minutes at a time. And with your oldest, you’ll be competing with boyfriends or girlfriends, shopping malls, soccer practice, whatever’s on television and anything else that might seem more important at that moment. To avoid conflicts, try to set up a regular time when they’ll know you’ll be calling. It’ll give them — and you — something to get excited about.
› Keep a calendar. As long as the baseball season is, chances are good that you’ll have to miss a special occasion (birthday, school play, piano recital and so on). Try to call before the actual event. And send a gift — a big bouquet of flowers, a pizza, or whatever’s appropriate — and a note saying how proud you are. When you get home, you can ooh and aah together as you watch the video.
› Take care of yourself. Yes, as an athlete, you’re in great physical shape, but make sure you get plenty of rest on the trip back home. The last thing you want to tell a child who hasn’t seen you for a week is that you’re tired and need a nap.
› When you get home, schedule some special time with each one of the kids. You missed them and they missed you, and you all need a little quiet time to get to know each other again. Don’t feel that you need to make every second “count” or make up for lost time.
› Play Santa — sort of. Your kids probably have enough autographed jerseys and other sports memorabilia to last a lifetime. What they really want is to know you were thinking of them. Sometimes those little bottles of shampoo from the hotel shower will bring a bigger smile to a child’s face than something that anyone anywhere could get on eBay. And while you’re picking up presents, don’t forget your wife. She’s been taking care of the kids by herself while you’ve been gone and needs some recognition — and a rest. Hotel shampoo won’t go over very well with her, but a bottle of wine and a romantic dinner after the kids are in bed will.
Read Armin Brott’s blog at www.DadSoup.com.