Soccer, football, moonshine and stars
Man, soccer has consumed us this week.
Stadiums, schedules, personnel decisions. It’s everywhere.
Well, the new professional team coming to town announced it has five final choices for the team name. Apparently the decisionmakers missed my suggestions last week (you can find them online, friends).
The finalists all have local connections, but we will rank them from least favorite to favorite.
› The Red Wolves. Gang, until we start seeing every living creature as equal and not a color first, then the terrorists continue to win. We need to stop the foolish division among all wolfkind based on color.
› Sporting Chattanooga. This sounds like a hobby group or a collection of people looking for a support group. Sporting Chattanooga. Knitting Chattanooga. Swimming Chattanooga. How about Napping Chattanooga?
› Ironhorses. Yes, we get the train connection. But the original Ironhorse was Lou Gehrig, and the last time he played in Chattanooga he struck out. Against a girl. Plus, he got sick and died too soon. That does not sound all that lucky, folks.
› Express. This one is pretty good, especially considering that the Express president is Sean McDaniel, who is the ex-pres/former general manager of the Chattanooga FC.
› Generals. This one seems kind of bland, but the possibilities of the Generals defending Fort Finley could be cool. The merchandise tent could be the General Store. ‘General’ admission could be one buck and sponsored by Dollar General. There’s sponsorship chances with “The General” auto insurance.
And if no one shows up, Fort Finley could become the Little Big Horn, and the team could feel like General Custer.
NOW FOR THAT OTHER FOOTBALL
College football has started. Hooray.
Nice season-opening win for Tom Arth and the UTC Mocs — you know, the other group that runs around the turf at Finley. (Also, the new video board was a hit.)
As for the University of Tennessee Vols, it’s hard not to be excited for a new beginning under Jeremy Pruitt.
Pruitt is as old-school as pencil boxes and sack lunches. He’s as Southern as cornbread and “Bless her heart.” He’s a Saban disciple, and other than the sandal-wearing dude who Matthew, Mark, Luke and John followed, in the world of college football, being a Saban disciple is the best thing.
And most importantly, he’s not Butch Jones. No more BS (that, of course, stands for Butch Said) quotes. No more BS (Butch Simplicity) calls such as shotgun on third-and-goal from the half-yard-line or not knowing when to go for two. No more BS (Butch Silliness) penalties. No more BS (Butch Stupidity), period.
SPEAKING OF SOUTHERN
Did you guys see the story about Chattooga County deputies smashing a window and finding moonshine?
In my personal experience, the order was always: Find the moonshine, then things get broken, but why quibble about sequence?
Well, in staff writer Tyler Jett’s report, the folks involved were already so ’shined that a woman told the driver of the car to hurry and leave after an altercation because the cops were on the way. The cops were already there and tried to talk the fellow out of driving before he pulled away.
And did we mention all of this started in the parking lot of an assisted living facility?
Insert your own Snuffy Smith joke (ask your parents) or a “The Beverly Hillbillies” reference here.
SATURDAY STARS
I am a huge fan of first responders. Their bravery and commitment make them real heroes every day.
Let’s celebrate those helping to celebrate those who pick up the phone and speed to help us in likely what may be one of the worst moments of our lives.
First, Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback Blake Bortles paid for a complete meal and had it delivered with a handwritten note to the Jacksonville first responders who arrived at the mass shooting at the mall there a couple of weeks ago.
On Monday, Olive Gardens across the country and locally will pack up spaghetti and meatballs, fettuccine alfredo and several other signature dishes. The Olive Gardeners will deliver it and serve it to first responders around the country. Kudos, Olive Garden.