Boys’ hair has different roots
Last Sunday, I climbed the stairs to see what our two sons were up to.
Turns out, they were both sitting on the TV-room floor playing “Fortnite” on the Xbox. I dropped down on the couch behind them, which gave me a perfect view of the back of their heads.
I’m sorry, but that’s what parents do: We get deep satisfaction from silly stuff like staring at the back of our kids’ heads.
The boys are almost exactly five years apart, 16 and 11. They don’t sit still together very often. I was struck by their haircuts, which represent two different eras in boy hairdos.
Our older son, like most of his middle-teen friends, wears kind of a free-form moptop. It’s almost indistinguishable from the haircuts I grew up with in the ’70s — not quite unkempt, but certainly not fussed over.
To me, it evokes memories of The Beatles, but in truth it’s probably a bit more like early Justin Bieber — blown dry from back to front and holding its shape only so long as it takes the strands of hair to relax to parade rest.
I remember when actor Richard Thomas (a.k.a. John Boy Walton) appeared on the Johnny Carson show with combed-back hair once in the late 1970s. Back then, a young man with exposed eyebrows, like Thomas, was so unusual that it was a discussion
topic on “The Tonight Show.”
Our older son’s signal to get a haircut is when the hair starts “bothering” him. Bothering means either his bangs are obscuring his vision or the hair in back is tickling his neck in new places. Whenever he starts slinging his bangs to the side by whipping his neck, it’s a sign that a haircut is near.
His haircuts are like clipping hedges — something you only do when there is a compelling need. If he is not at school, he is wearing a cap, which means that haircuts are only marginally important to his sense of coolness.
Caps, on the other hand, are carefully chosen and curated. Approved cap brands include Patagonia, The North Face and Vineyard Vines. Give him the choice between a $30 cap and a $30 haircut, and he’d take the cap every time.
Our younger son, on the other hand, is meticulous about his hair.
His cut probably has a real name, but I call it the Cristiano Ronaldo — after the European soccer player of that name. The cut includes a fade on both sides and a large, combed-back shock of hair at the crown of his head. When his hair is sculpted correctly, his head looks like a fuzzy peach with a dollop of whipped cream on top.
This cut requires a few extra minutes of prep time each morning. First he uses a squirt bottle filled with water to tame any cowlicks that have sprung up overnight. Then he smears pomade on both palms and wipes it evenly across his scalp.
Next, he has to establish the deep parts, which form the borders between the hair deserts and the hair forests on his head. The hair grease holds it all in place, while providing a masculine aroma to the mix.
Sometimes I watch him futzing with his hair in front of the bathroom mirror, turning his head left and right and then dipping his chin. Meanwhile, our older son would rather run a brush through his hair and then crash on the couch for five extra minutes before starting the day.
Sometimes I wonder if the contrasting hairstyles are age related or deeper reflections of their personalities. Our younger son is a perfectionist, after all, while our older son is a little more chill.
Actually, these opposite traits will probably make them a stronger pair, like a dovetail joint that strengthens a piece of wooden furniture.
That’s my hope for them actually: to be different but grounded, individuals but brothers, always held together by the sturdy bonds of blood.
Contact Mark Kennedy at mkennedy@timesfree press.com or 423-757-6645.