Making the most of positive differences will aid marriage
My parents liked to play the ponies, and whenever we’d go to the track as a family, my dad would point out the horses. When I asked why they all looked so different from one another, he said, “Son, differences make for good horse races.” I believe they also make for good relationships. Here are some positive differences that I have discovered being married to someone from the other side of the globe.
› I am an early riser; my wife enjoys early retirement … so she sleeps in. I get to bring her a cup of tea and open the curtains, and she gets to feel like a princess, which then inspires her to treat me like a king. Our morning ritual is sweet, and I like my time alone after dawn, so the balance is great for us. Give a little — get a lot.
› My other half loves food. She tries everything that is new, goes to Chinese and Russian markets, has Trader Joe’s on speed dial, and anytime we go out to eat, tries something different. And I get to share and enjoy wonderful foods without having to send out or Google what I’m eating.
› My family is all gone, but my wife has a family, and they all get along and stay in touch. I get to hear the goings-on, from mini-dramas to changes in the weather, and they all ask about me. It feels nice that I’m getting some extra love, because I’m feeling like part of the family.
› I tend to be a homebody (left to my own devices, I would probably never leave the house). My lovely mate wants to go everywhere and see and do everything — although she did pass on renting an RV for a long weekend. I have seen more of my hometown along with the places we’ve traveled to than I ever have before. I get invited to all sorts of events, most of which I have ignored for years, but now am under advisement that I best show her what’s happening so she can make the choices.
› The woman I married always wakes up with a smile on her face, and that never happens on my side of the bed. I enter the waking world like a newborn, take care of the animals, make our morning beverage and singlehandedly face my computer, usually with a frown on my face. But not her. She gets up and starts singing and joyfully bouncing around the house, and it always makes me smile and brightens my mood.
› She makes a wonderful first impression. People look at me and say, “Oh, you’re that writer guy. You look much taller in your picture!” First off, it’s a headshot, and I am so glad that she gets all the attention, because once people find out I’m a psychotherapist, the tone of the conversation changes. Letting her take the lead in our social situations takes a lot of pressure off me, and she loves it. Another win-win.
She has expanded my vision, and that’s because the best parts of my life are when we are together. I couldn’t care less what we are doing. I just love being with the woman who holds my heart in her hands.
Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, California, is the author of “The Happy Couple: How To Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.”